Dear Emma,
Happy birthday, my sweet girl! Each year, I find myself amazed at how quickly you’re growing up. There are many layers to our mother-daughter bond that you won’t fully grasp until you become a parent yourself. Tonight, I felt one of those emotions for the first time.
I carefully orchestrated your birthday celebration a week in advance. I gathered the ingredients to make your favorite dishes and noted every color of icing you wanted for your cupcakes. We were so excited to bake your cake together and indulge in pineapple pizza until we were stuffed!
Just like many mothers, I wear multiple hats, and one of those is being a physician, which is my true passion. Just as I meticulously planned for your birthday, I also structure my workdays with the same level of care. I pour my heart into both my career and our family. I run errands during my “lunch” breaks and eagerly anticipate the moment I see your smiling face when I return home from work each evening.
I take pride in being both a doctor and a mom because I believe women deserve the same respect in the workplace as men. I want to pave the way for you to grow up in a world where professional equality is the standard. It is important that you understand it’s perfectly acceptable to have an identity beyond being a mother. If you choose to, I hope you build a family while also pursuing your dreams. When someone inquires about your career, I want to ensure their first question isn’t, “How do you juggle work and motherhood?”
However, I want you to know that it’s okay to experience the emotions I felt tonight. Despite my best efforts to prepare for your special day, I ended up working late and had to order pizza instead of making it, with store-bought icing in just one color for your cupcakes.
I know these little setbacks didn’t diminish the joy of your birthday, but I still felt a pang of guilt. Guilt for wanting to be an engaged mother while also chasing my career ambitions. And I’m not ashamed to admit that it brought me to tears after you had gone to bed. I felt like I had excelled in my job but had let you down as a mom.
I can’t put my finger on the reason behind that guilt. Perhaps it’s the lingering societal expectations for mothers to be the primary caregivers. Maybe it’s because I brought you into this world on this day a few years ago. Or perhaps it’s simply that things didn’t go according to plan. Whatever the reason, I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and if you ever find yourself in a similar position, remember that you’re not alone either. Don’t give up.
You will encounter emotions and experiences that can only be understood through motherhood. At times, you may feel torn between parenting and your other aspirations. When you start questioning if you were a good mom today, know that the very fact you’re questioning it is a sign that you care deeply about being a good parent.
I want you to know that it is entirely possible to excel in both motherhood and your passions. You don’t have to make a choice, and there’s no need to fear the journey ahead. I encourage you to embrace the challenges that come with being a parent and pursuing your dreams. It’s important to know that if you never feel overwhelmed, you might miss the satisfaction that comes from overcoming obstacles.
There will be days when you’ll wonder if you can truly balance everything. You might think that by sidelining your ambitions and focusing solely on being the best mom, your children will benefit. But that’s not the case. I’ve wrestled with this thought, and I want you to understand that your kids will see you as a role model—a strong, successful woman who pursues her dreams.
In the end, I hope that one day, when your child shares their own passions and struggles, you can reassure them to keep pushing forward, just like I did—even if things didn’t go perfectly, like when I had to settle for a single color of icing on their birthday cupcakes.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this link for additional insights. This is a journey we can navigate together, and there are resources available, like the wonderful work done by organizations such as Make A Mom on fertility supplements, or this excellent resource from WebMD about pregnancy and insemination.
With love,
Your Mom