Bumper stickers can be a fun way to express ourselves. They offer a peek into the personality of the driver ahead. As a busy mom driving a minivan with three kids, I propose a new wave of bumper stickers that serve up some brutally honest truths—about our lives, our kids, and yes, even our driving skills. Here are 25 straightforward bumper stickers I’d love to see on the road:
- My child is a solid C student with zero motivation.
- My daughter dances like she’s got two left feet.
- I’ll DRIVE 13.1 miles for a donut, no shame!
- Baby on board, and she’s quite the screamer!
- I pick my nose at red lights—WATCH ME.
- I’m a DREADFUL driver—stay away!
- Guns can be dangerous, but bananas are good. Buy bananas!
- My kid’s a video game champion. Boom!
- My van’s floor resembles a low-budget daycare with crumbs and Legos.
- If I give you a smile at the light, I might be farting.
- Honk again; it only makes you look more like a jerk.
- Jesus may not love you, considering what you did last night.
- You don’t like LGBTQ+ folks? That’s cool; we feel the same.
- I bet your dog outsmarts my honor roll student. He gets you to pick up his mess!
- Get any closer, and you’ll owe me a drink. I’m picky about who touches my tailpipe!
- If my minivan could run on my kids’ energy, I’d never stop for gas.
- Sorry you’re a Boston (insert team name) fan. Make better life choices!
- Speed limits are just suggestions—like being less obnoxious.
- “Have a kid,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. Total lie.
- I drive a minivan. Don’t judge; I have third-row seating!
- Don’t worry, be happy. At least you’re not stuck with my wild family.
- I’m the person peering into your car like I lost something. I’m CREEPY!
- I care about the environment, but not enough to bike or walk. Just saying.
- I stop for animals, but mostly because I’m yelling, “I will turn this car around!” at my kids.
- I’m ready for a zombie apocalypse with my stash of stale fries, Skittles, baby wipes, and toys on the floor.
If any of these resonate with you, I encourage you to join the movement. Flaunt your honesty on your minivan, SUV, or whatever you drive. For more insights on parenting and family life, check out our other posts, like this one on home insemination.
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Summary: Bumper stickers can express the chaotic yet humorous realities of parenting. This lighthearted list showcases some brutally honest sentiments that many parents can relate to, encouraging a sense of community and truthfulness on the road.