As we stood in a long, sluggish line under the scorching June sun, we were on our way to the middle school graduation of our youngest child—our fifth. This was a familiar scene for us; having been through four previous graduations, we knew the drill. The auditorium was packed, and the line barely moved. Suddenly, we spotted a relative we had a restraining order against for abusive behavior. At that moment, we made a quick decision: we stepped out of line and took a stroll around the block, ultimately finding ourselves in a cozy pub nearby. We enjoyed chilled drinks and chose to prioritize our emotional well-being as parents for once. Our son, thankfully, never realized we were absent.
While it may seem heartless to some, one of the misconceptions we often encounter in parenting is that “every milestone counts.” In reality, it didn’t matter one bit whether we were present or not. We certainly didn’t disclose our absence to him—we’re not unkind. After the ceremony, we met him outside, snapping photos and capturing the important moments. However, the graduation itself? I’m not quite sure why it was even held. Celebrating every little achievement has become the norm, leaving many parents feeling overwhelmed. While graduating from high school or college certainly deserves recognition, transitioning from kindergarten or junior high feels less significant—there’s much more to come.
I know I’m not alone in my sentiments. Recently, there’s been a noticeable backlash against the excessive pampering of children today. Kids receive trophies just for participating, have rarely ventured outside without adult supervision, and are often overly protected from everyday experiences. It’s common to find numerous articles and blog posts discussing this phenomenon (just search for “helicopter parent” to see what I mean).
The two parents—often just one managing the chaos—who navigate the intricacies of raising a child from infancy into their mid-twenties sometimes need a break. It’s okay if not every lunch is a Pinterest-worthy bento box or if birthdays don’t feature artisanal treats. Sometimes, just finishing the school year calls for a simple ice cream treat or pizza night, rather than an elaborate celebration. Raising one child is a challenge; managing multiple can feel like a marathon. Parents need to prioritize their well-being, even if that means saying no to certain obligations.
For my husband and me, that “no” moment happened when we found ourselves in that disheartening line. The expectations can be overwhelming, and prioritizing our mental and emotional health can sometimes take precedence over attending every event. Whether this makes us good or bad parents is uncertain. We’ve balanced indulgence and discipline while raising our kids, attending as many games and events as possible. So far, we have successfully guided four out of five of them into adulthood. An event that didn’t hold much significance in our lives occurred without us, and we realized the world kept spinning.
The sky didn’t fall. Nothing catastrophic happened. In fact, if anything, it was a relief from the burdens of constant praise and nurturing. If you’d like to read more about the journey of parenting, check out our other posts, including one on home insemination.
In conclusion, it’s essential to recognize that not every milestone requires our attendance. Parenting is a demanding journey, and sometimes stepping back can provide the clarity we need. If you’re navigating similar challenges, look into resources like ACOG’s guide on treating infertility or explore options from Make a Mom for insights on fertility.