The pressure to start a family often escalates unexpectedly. For me, it hit right before my wedding when I cradled my niece for the first time. Suddenly, everyone seemed to want to know: “When are you planning to have children?” I was unprepared for the avalanche of questions, and I often wish I could express my true feelings. Instead, I typically respond with a polite smile and a practiced reply. Here are nine things I wish I could communicate to those who incessantly inquire about my plans for motherhood:
1. To My Cherished Family and Friends
I appreciate your eagerness for a grandchild, niece, or nephew, but I kindly ask you to stop asking. I share your excitement and envision the day I can announce my pregnancy. However, each visit feels like I must concoct a reason for why I’m not expecting yet. While I adore playing with your kids, your questions can leave me feeling inadequate.
2. To Those Who Assume I’m Prioritizing My Career Over Family
Every day I go to work is a step toward securing a future for my potential children. I’m not avoiding motherhood; in fact, I’m saving money to provide a stable environment for kids. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a representative of all women who choose careers over families.
3. To the Concerned Friends Who Mention My Biological Clock
Thank you for your concern regarding my age and reproductive timeline. Your comments have prompted me to search things like, “Is 28 too old for a baby?” Rest assured, I’ve consulted with my doctor, and my biological clock is just fine.
4. To Those Who Demand Justifications
I often think of you, especially before social gatherings, as I prepare for your inevitable questions. Past explanations, like “We’re waiting until my partner finishes school” or “We want to save money,” have fallen flat. I even bluntly told one of you, “I’m on birth control and not planning to stop anytime soon.” Please understand that I’m not obligated to provide a timeline for my life, just as I don’t ask you for yours.
5. To Those Who Call Me Selfish
I occasionally agree with you; I am selfish for wanting my partner to focus on his education and for wanting to have a solid financial foundation before starting a family. I’m also selfish for wanting to prioritize my health. Anything else you’d like to point out?
6. To the Crowd That Says I Should Have Kids Because Others Are
I remember my mother saying, “If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?” Thankfully, social media didn’t exist back then, or I might have been tempted. It’s easy to follow the crowd, but I prefer to make my choices based on what’s right for me, not just because it’s trending.
7. To Those Who Think I’m Failing
There are nights when I lie awake feeling like I’m falling short. I hope that when I finally hold my child, I won’t view my past choices as failures. Even though I’m not trying to conceive now, I constantly consider what’s best for my future children.
8. To the Inquisitive Ones
Ask me about my aspirations, my travels, my job, or even my favorite meals—anything but when I plan to have children. There’s so much more to discuss!
9. To the Uninformed
I’m not currently facing infertility issues. My heart aches for those who are. I honestly don’t know if I can have kids since I haven’t tried yet. Every time someone asks that tough question, it stirs up painful emotions. I long to be a mom; it’s my dream. For the sake of all women in similar positions, please choose your words thoughtfully.
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In summary, while the questions about having children can be overwhelming, it’s essential to remember that each person’s journey is unique. Being mindful of what others might be experiencing can go a long way in fostering understanding and compassion.