In the early 2000s, if someone had suggested that I, a fiercely independent, career-focused individual, would ever put my extensive education on hold to become a stay-at-home mom, I would have laughed. That’s just not how I envisioned my life. However, life has a funny way of shifting our plans.
Over the past seven years, I’ve experienced being a stay-at-home mom twice, each time under very different circumstances. My first stint was overseas, while my second has been a surprise tour back in my home country.
During my initial experience, I was living in a small Italian town with my first child. I was a dedicated physician, working until my due date, but a sudden job transfer for my husband forced us to relocate to a quieter life. With limited job opportunities and a new baby, I navigated the challenges of motherhood with the support of local moms and a significant amount of online parenting resources. By the end of that chapter, I considered myself a competent mother, but after two years, I was eager to return to my career.
My second round of stay-at-home motherhood was not by choice. My husband convinced me that I only needed a short break to help our toddler recover from a significant surgery. Little did I know that this would turn into an indefinite stay-at-home commitment. As I settled back into the routine of school drop-offs and playdates, I quickly realized that being a stay-at-home mom in America is a whole different ball game, and frankly, I’m struggling with it.
1. My Wardrobe Isn’t Up to Par
In Italy, I was used to casual attire—no pressure to dress up, especially in a small town. Here in the United States, I feel the need to step out in coordinated activewear every day. I even heard one mom mention her “yoga-dress” last week. I had to suppress a laugh; what even is that? While I’ve attempted to adopt the sporty look, it just doesn’t work for me. I guess I’ll stick to my jeans.
2. Playdates Aren’t My Thing
In Italy, socializing was casual—meet a few people at the playground, let the kids play, and then go your separate ways. Here, it feels like playdates are mandatory for kids’ socialization, and it’s overwhelming. The moms seem so invested in planning the next meet-up while I prefer spontaneous interactions without the pressure of forming friendships.
3. Mom Conversations Drive Me Crazy
In Italy, we talked about life, not just motherhood. Here, the conversations are dominated by parenting topics, and I often find myself zoning out. (Sometimes, I even switch to speaking Italian around other moms to dodge the small talk.) I’d much rather engage in discussions about politics or literature than the latest baby trends.
4. Playing Isn’t My Strong Suit
American moms seem to be all about playtime, while in Italy, mothers focused on other responsibilities. I prefer to let my kids entertain themselves rather than join them for every game. Sure, I can help orchestrate a Lego battle, but I’m only in for a short time before I need a break!
5. I Miss Working
Just like during my time in Italy, I find that isolation isn’t my friend. I thrive on adult conversations that don’t revolve around children’s schedules. I miss dressing up for work and enjoying the camaraderie of colleagues. Is it so wrong to want to bond over shared frustrations about management rather than diaper changes?
I never expected to find myself more comfortable in my husband’s culture than my own when it comes to motherhood. Regardless of my challenges, I’m determined to make the most of this experience. And yes, I definitely need more workout clothes.
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Summary
In this light-hearted reflection, Dr. Lila Thompson shares her struggles with adapting to American-style stay-at-home motherhood after experiencing a different approach abroad. From wardrobe mishaps to the challenges of playdates and mom talk, she candidly discusses her discomfort with traditional expectations while embracing her unique path.