Thank you for making me feel like a terrible parent.
It was 5 a.m., and I had spent the night cradling my baby. He wasn’t distressed; he had simply grown accustomed to being held during his recent teething struggles and wanted to continue that comfort indefinitely. After weeks of feeling like I was trapped in an endless cycle of sleeplessness punctuated by fleeting naps, I was at my breaking point. I desperately craved some reassurance, just once.
So, where did I turn in my moment of need? Naturally, I reached for my smartphone, specifically my Facebook moms’ group. This online community, filled with women I don’t know personally, has been a lifeline, always ready to share advice during the wee hours. Without this group, I wouldn’t have made it through those exhausting newborn nights, the breastfeeding hurdles, or the toddler meltdowns. It’s comforting to know that, no matter how tough things get, someone else out there is experiencing similar struggles.
But every community has its detractors, especially in the digital realm.
After posting a heartfelt plea at 5 a.m., detailing the strategies I had already tried to encourage my baby to sleep alone (including the controversial cry-it-out method), I received a mix of constructive suggestions and supportive messages. I appreciated the empathy from fellow moms who understood my plight. But then, amidst the well-meaning responses, came this gem: “That poor baby, crying for an hour!”
Excuse me? Thanks for that. Because nothing says “you’re a terrible mother” quite like unsolicited judgment from someone who has no clue about my situation. It reinforced my fears that wanting a little sleep made me unfit to parent.
I can only imagine what you thought I was doing, Thoughtless Mom. Did you picture me lounging in my living room with a glass of wine, relishing the sound of my baby’s cries? Perhaps you assumed I had tuned out the monitor while I enjoyed a coffee run?
Here’s the reality: I was curled up under the covers, staring at the harsh glow of the baby monitor, my eyes swollen from exhaustion, tears streaming down my cheeks as I felt the weight of letting my baby cry. I was a mix of helplessness and despair, caught in a cycle of wanting to comfort him but feeling utterly drained.
I reached out for support, and instead of offering compassion, you chose to criticize. Reflect on that for a moment. It’s truly disheartening.
As new mothers, we constantly question our choices, bicker with our partners about parenting styles, and receive unsolicited advice from all directions. We live in fear of inadequacy, wondering if we’re good enough. Instead of lifting each other up in this vulnerable state, you chose to deepen my insecurities.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood is fraught with challenges and uncertainties, but we should strive to support one another rather than judge. Being a mother is hard enough without the added pressure of negativity from others.