Our family has chosen not to participate in the Santa Claus tradition. It’s not that we have anything against the cheerful figure; it simply doesn’t align with our family’s values. We enjoy festive movies featuring Santa (those Tim Allen films never fail to amuse), and we share the story of St. Nicholas with our children. However, we skip the traditional practices—there are no cookies left out, no naughty or nice lists, and no gifts attributed to the big man in red.
I completely understand why countless families embrace Santa. Every household has its own unique customs, and Santa is a significant part of holiday celebrations in many cultures. My concern arises, however, when people inquire about what Santa has brought my kids for Christmas.
These questions typically come from strangers at the grocery store or staff at various businesses. While I appreciate their intent to engage in friendly conversation, the underlying assumptions are somewhat bothersome. Firstly, they’re presuming that we celebrate Christmas, and secondly, that we partake in the Santa myth. Is this assumption based on my appearance as an average-looking white woman in America? It feels a bit presumptuous, doesn’t it?
I recognize that many people don’t consider this. The majority of Americans celebrate Christmas, and a significant number of parents indulge in the Santa storytelling. But I would never presume that everyone I meet shares the same beliefs or traditions.
The main reason I find these Santa-related questions uncomfortable is that they can put our children in an awkward position, particularly when they are young. It may seem like a harmless question, but it carries a heavier weight. Wrapped in the warmth of holiday cheer, nostalgic memories, and big smiles, my kids know that when they respond honestly—that we don’t follow the Santa tradition—there will often be an awkward moment, and the questioner’s smile may fade, even if just a little. It feels as though they’ve spoiled an otherwise pleasant interaction by simply stating the truth.
My children tend to be shy, making interactions with strangers challenging. There’s no easy way for them to respond to “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” without making the other person feel disappointed. I’ve witnessed this scenario repeatedly; the questioner is caught off guard, creating an uncomfortable silence, and my kids often feel responsible for the awkwardness. They look to me, seeking guidance on how to handle the situation. I’ve stepped in before, answering for them to keep things light: “Oh, we don’t actually follow the Santa tradition,” and then quickly steering the conversation elsewhere. However, I dislike having to speak for my children; it only complicates matters.
All of this could be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about those they don’t know. I’m not suggesting we stop discussing the holidays altogether. There are plenty of alternative conversation starters that don’t carry assumptions about personal beliefs. A simple, “Do you have any special plans for the holiday season?” works well. You can even refer to it as Christmas break if that’s your preference, but it remains neutral and inclusive. In contrast, asking about Santa implies a set of beliefs that may not apply to everyone.
This is just a gentle request. I understand that the topic of “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be sensitive, and many people fiercely celebrate the Santa tradition. However, it’s essential to remember that numerous families—many of whom celebrate Christmas in other ways—don’t partake in the Santa story. Despite the well-meaning intentions behind these questions, they can inadvertently create discomfort for both you and the child you’re asking.
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Summary
This article discusses the challenges faced by families who don’t celebrate Santa Claus during the holiday season. It highlights the awkwardness that can arise when strangers ask children about their Santa experiences, urging people to consider alternative questions that avoid assumptions.