As any parent of a high school sophomore or junior is aware, the SAT is undergoing significant changes. Speculation abounds about the new format of the Scholastic Assessment Test, but only when thousands of anxious students open their test booklets in March 2016 will we truly see what’s in store.
The College Board, the organization behind the SAT, claims that the test assesses the critical reading, writing, and math skills necessary for success in college and beyond. However, does it truly reflect a 16- or 17-year-old’s ability to navigate the realities of adult life? I can only hope the College Board consulted some mothers during the redesign process. If they did, we might see questions like these:
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You find the kitchen trash can overflowing. What’s the best approach to resolve this situation?
- a) Do nothing
- b) Leave it for your mom to handle
- c) Use your strength to take out the full bag, tie it, dispose of it properly, and replace it with a new one.
- d) This scenario has no solution.
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There’s only one square of toilet paper left when Teen A enters the bathroom. What is the likelihood that Teen A’s sibling will have enough for their next need?
- a) 100%
- b) 0%
- c) Pi
- d) Depends on where mom is in relation to the bathroom.
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Student A’s soccer uniform is filthy and in need of washing before tomorrow’s game. Which method will effectively clean it?
- a) Mitosis
- b) Mom’s senses will trigger her to take action.
- c) Student A must learn to operate the washing machine and do it themselves tonight.
- d) Fairies.
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Teen B possesses an iPhone, iPad, and laptop with extraordinary computing capabilities. What’s the chance Teen B can successfully use the dishwasher?
- a) 100%
- b) 0%
- c) Hydrogen bonds
- d) None of the above.
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In the fridge, there are two juice boxes and 24 more in the basement. With three siblings in the kitchen needing juice for after-school activities, how long will it take to resolve this dilemma?
- a) 2 minutes
- b) 10 minutes
- c) 60 minutes
- d) Time is irrelevant since a dispute over who will fetch the extra box will lead to all of them being grounded and opting for water bottles instead.
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Given that the human body sheds 30,000 to 40,000 dead skin cells daily, how often should bed sheets be changed?
- a) Daily
- b) Weekly
- c) Never
- d) Bed sheets get changed?
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If the Spanish Club is hosting a Fiesta on Friday, what is the likelihood that Julia has purchased the ingredients for the gluten-free churros she promised to bring by Thursday at 10 p.m.? Is it the same, greater than, or less than the chance that she’ll ask her mom to prepare and fry them?
- a) Same
- b) Greater
- c) Less
- d) None of the above. Julia has completely forgotten about the churros.
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In summary, the potential new SAT questions reflect a humorous yet insightful take on the everyday challenges that teenagers face. While the test aims to prepare students for college, it may also serve as a reminder that life skills learned at home are equally important.