On a fateful day in January 2014, my mother, faced with her struggles, chose to end her life by driving off a cliff. Although she had previously battled suicidal thoughts, the reality of her actions struck me profoundly. At the time, I was navigating the challenges of motherhood with my then 18-month-old daughter. I often find myself wishing for just a moment with her, especially during those exhausting days of caring for my two daughters. Yet, in the midst of this pain, I have discovered valuable lessons that have shaped me into a more present and loving mom.
Cherish the Present and Let Go of Regrets
One of the burdens my mother carried was guilt over the time she felt she lost with us. She often lamented not being the mother she wished she had been while we were growing up. What I wish she had recognized is that she could still play a significant role in our lives and in the lives of her grandchildren. I strive to avoid the same regrets by making the most of my time with my daughters. I am intentional in our interactions, prioritizing snuggles and words of affirmation. With only 18 years to shape their childhoods before they become independent, I refuse to let those years slip away. Acknowledging my humanity, I also forgive myself for the inevitable missteps that come with parenting, learning to grow from them instead of dwelling on my mistakes.
Leave Messages of Love
My mother’s passing left no farewell or note of encouragement behind. As memories fade, I often wish for her words and wisdom to hold onto. While I can’t change the past, I have taken steps to ensure my daughters will always know how deeply they are loved. I started a journal for each of them, writing heartfelt notes periodically. These letters will be a tangible reminder of my love and hopes for them, ensuring they will never question their worth in my eyes.
Recognize Your Own Beauty
My mother often focused on her perceived flaws, from her skin to her weight. To me, she was always the epitome of beauty, just as I know my daughters see me. My preschooler often adorns me with headbands and tiaras, declaring me beautiful. I choose to embrace their perception and reject my own doubts. I aim to teach my daughters to appreciate their unique beauty and strengths, refusing to shy away from joyful moments—whether it’s dressing up or enjoying a day at the beach—because memories are too precious to miss.
Prioritize Your Well-Being
My mother was selfless to a fault, often neglecting her own needs. While I understand the importance of giving to others, I recognize that I must also take care of myself to be the best mother I can be. I focus on healthy eating, regular exercise, and carving out time for my interests and friends. This balance allows me to be a more attentive and engaged parent.
I hope no one else has to endure the pain of losing a parent in such a tragic way. However, by sharing my experiences, I hope to inspire and uplift other mothers navigating their own journeys. For more insights on motherhood and home insemination, check out this post for additional support, and visit this expert resource to further educate yourself on pregnancy and home insemination. For those considering parenting options, Cryobaby provides valuable information on at-home insemination kits.
In summary, my mother’s tragic passing has become a catalyst for me to embrace life, prioritize love, and recognize my worth as a mother. I aim to foster a nurturing environment for my daughters, ensuring they grow up feeling cherished and empowered.