Hey there, Childless Colleagues!
After spending four months caring for a newborn, I’m re-entering the office world like a deer in headlights. It’s refreshing to see you all again! While the workplace hasn’t transformed much, I certainly have. So, here are a few things I’d like to share:
- I’m not up for lengthy lunch breaks. I would love to indulge in a two-hour lunch like we used to, but my time is far too precious now. I’m happy to grab a quick bite at the food court, but I need to dash to the store. Perhaps we can schedule a proper lunch in about 18 years?
- Yes, there’s a breast pump in my bag. Each day, I haul my backpack upstairs to pump milk. So, unless you want a detailed explanation, maybe skip the “What’s in the bag?” questions.
- I’m out the door at 5:00 PM sharp. Don’t expect me to linger until 6:30 pretending to be busy. By 5:06, I’m on my way home, eager to make it back for bath time. I’ll be online later, so feel free to reach out then—I’m likely awake anyway.
- Loving my child doesn’t mean I want to discuss him at work. Yes, leaving my baby with a caregiver is tough, and I often feel guilty. I don’t want to chat about my parenting struggles in the hallway. Let’s keep it professional.
- This feels like a retreat to me. Please refrain from ranting about work—eight hours of quiet in a chair that doesn’t have spit-up on it is a luxury!
- I genuinely work from home. With fewer distractions, I can focus entirely on my tasks. Yes, I’m meeting deadlines and handling calls—my nanny is here because I’m still working, not for a leisurely break.
- I’m driven to prove myself. I’ve come back sharper and more efficient than ever. My multitasking skills are on another level, and I appreciate my job even more now. It’s good to be back!
- It’s wonderful to see you! Engaging in adult conversations feels as satisfying as slipping into fitted pants again. Just a heads up, though—if I have to cut our chat short, please don’t take it personally.
So, when you see me lugging my bag to the fourth floor, let’s keep the chit-chat light. I’m navigating a whirlwind of emotions, and for the love of naptime, please avoid asking, “What’s in the bag?” If you’re curious about home insemination, check out this resource for more insights. For those interested in artificial insemination kits, Make a Mom is a great place to start. Additionally, for pregnancy-related information, the CDC has excellent resources.
In summary, as I transition back into the work environment, I hope we can connect without delving into parenting discussions. I’m here to work and appreciate your understanding of my new reality.