10 Strategies for Nurturing Well-Adjusted Individuals

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November 18, 2023

Reflecting on my approach to parenting, I often feel I’ve opted for a more challenging path. For instance, if we enter an elevator and my kids neglect to greet the other passengers, I don’t hesitate to give them “the look” and follow it up with a brief lecture. I could easily overlook their lack of consideration or shower them with praise for minimal effort, but I simply cannot abide by ingratitude or a lack of empathy. Each day, I prepare to challenge my kids in hopes of raising them to be thoughtful individuals. Here are ten practices that drain my energy but aim to cultivate decent human beings.

1. Embrace the Reality of Competition

When my child faces defeat, I don’t sugarcoat the situation. While I strive to be gentle, the truth is that competitions often have clear winners and losers. If you’re new to parenting, I encourage you to help your child understand this reality. If you’re someone who believes every participant deserves a trophy, it might be time to rethink that approach.

2. Selective Appreciation of Artwork

While I value creativity, not every piece of art deserves fridge space. I appreciate my child’s artistic efforts, but I draw the line at hastily made scribbles that don’t reflect genuine effort. Sometimes, my seven-year-old will present a few doodles as if they’re masterpieces, but I simply can’t endorse that.

3. Birthday Party Interrogations

When my child receives a birthday invitation, I require a thorough justification before agreeing to attend. This includes questions about their relationship with the birthday child and whether they would buy a gift with their own money. It may seem harsh, but it establishes the importance of thoughtful friendships.

4. Respecting Food Choices

I don’t force my kids to eat anything. I avoid threats like “If you don’t eat this, then…” because I fear it might lead to an aversion to food. My rules are simple: this is dinner, and if they don’t like it, they can go hungry—a lesson in choice and consequence.

5. No Fancy Lunches Here

I don’t engage in elaborate lunch-prepping. My aim is to provide nutritious meals without the need for creativity or aesthetics. No train-shaped sandwiches in this house, I’m afraid!

6. Implementing Tech-Free Times

To combat the zombie-like state brought on by screens, we have designated “electronic bans.” I select specific times in the day to unplug, though I often find myself retreating to escape the ensuing chaos.

7. Encouraging Imaginative Play

I don’t stop my boys from engaging in pretend battle games. My daughter enjoys Barbies while my sons create scenarios with toy soldiers. Our home is a blend of glitter and Nerf guns, with sounds of battle mixed with the innocence of play.

8. Using Incentives Wisely

When my kids are misbehaving and guests are on the way, I turn to incentives to encourage better behavior. It’s crucial to remind them that if they mention the bribe, the deal is off. They quickly learn that cooperation is more rewarding.

9. Discussing Difficult Topics

When unfortunate events arise, such as a celebrity’s death, I choose to discuss the topic of mortality. I believe that open conversations about difficult subjects help children develop a healthy understanding of life’s realities.

10. The Importance of the Three-Minute Law

I’ve learned that the first and last three minutes of a child’s day are vital. I gently wake them up, asking about their breakfast preferences and any exciting plans for the day. At night, I check in with them to see if they have anything to share. This simple routine creates a positive framework for our days.

I’ve heard the adages about letting children learn on their own, but having encountered some unkind adults, I feel it’s essential to instill a sense of reality in my kids, surrounded by love. Perhaps one day, they will connect these lessons to real-life scenarios and grow into caring individuals. For now, I’ll continue guiding them, even if it means explaining why it’s inappropriate to address me as if I were their waitress.

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Summary

Raising decent human beings requires intentionality and effort. From teaching the realities of competition to engaging in meaningful conversations about complex topics, these ten strategies aim to foster empathy, respect, and understanding in children. Embracing challenges in parenting may feel exhausting, but the ultimate goal is to guide our kids toward becoming thoughtful, caring adults.

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