I often find myself contemplating the ideal mother, the one who lives in a state of perpetual affirmation. She awakens me in the quiet moments of the night, whispering reminders of her carefree parenting style. This mother embraces spontaneity, always ready to say yes—yes to playtime, yes to reading, yes to baking, yes to whatever her children desire. I am not that mother.
Imagining a Different Life
I frequently envision what it would be like to embody her spirit. I jot down notes about how I might transform, imagining a life where I prioritize moments over chores. I would dismiss tidying up in favor of constructing a Lego zoo, refrain from sending my partner to the park while I tackle work, and immerse myself in the present week rather than incessantly preparing for the next.
The Concept of Saying Yes
In my writings, I explore the concept of saying yes more often, indulging in my children’s whims, and savoring every fleeting moment. I fantasize about being that mother—the one who allows dusting to take a backseat to play, who remains unfazed by the mixing of Play-Doh colors, and who doesn’t resort to yelling at 7 a.m. when shoes remain untied and we’re rushing out the door.
But I am not that mother. I long to be a bit more relaxed. I wish I could spend a day without obsessing over whether they’ve finished their lunches while I was at work. I sometimes wish I could refrain from demanding constant updates about their activities in my absence or worrying if their jeans are wet and if they have a fresh set of clothes available.
Struggles with Perfection
Instead, I find myself tightly wound, overly anxious about making mistakes. I struggle to overlook the minor details and instead let stress consume me. I raise my voice and grow irritable when it’s unnecessary. In my quest to be the perfect parent, I often overlook that the mother my children truly need is one who embraces her flaws.
Releasing Guilt
My desire is to release the guilt that burdens me. Yet, I am not the mother who can easily turn away from responsibilities. I waste precious time folding laundry and preparing meals while my son eagerly awaits our dinosaur adventure. I know I should let these concerns slide, but I can’t seem to do it. I am not that mother.
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Conclusion
In summary, I often find myself yearning to be the type of mother who embraces spontaneity and lets go of the small worries. Despite my struggles, I remain committed to finding joy in the present moments with my children, even if I am not that ideal mother.