When it comes to education, the decision of whether to send your child to boarding school can be a challenging one. As someone who grew up in rural West Virginia, I often felt that attending a boarding school was my best opportunity to access the level of education that kids from more affluent areas, like Greenwich or the Upper East Side, often take for granted. My mother, who was acutely aware of income inequality in the 1980s, understood that getting into a prestigious college was essential for climbing the socioeconomic ladder. She worried that the local high school wouldn’t provide the rigorous college prep courses or the connections with admissions counselors that could facilitate acceptance into a good university. Thus, I found myself packing for boarding school, complete with a trunk full of hand-sewn clothes lovingly crafted by my mother and grandmother from old Vogue patterns they thought would be “in style.”
Unfortunately, what my grandmother considered fashionable didn’t quite align with the reality of my new classmates’ wardrobes, which featured Laura Ashley dresses and trendy Indian-print t-shirts. I found myself calling home in desperation, pleading for a new wardrobe—an impossible request given our financial situation. So, I made do with what I had and navigated a rather lonely first year, feeling distinctly out of place.
Despite these challenges, my boarding school experience proved to be invaluable. It introduced me to a vastly different community than my small-town upbringing, and I eventually became comfortable in the Upper East Side—though I also learned to embrace my uniqueness. Boarding school offered me a glimpse into a world that holds significant influence over the nation, providing me with insights into class structures that I would never have encountered had I stayed in my hometown. This experience heightened my awareness of privilege, both my own and that of others.
I forged friendships during that time that remain close to my heart today. I went on to attend an excellent college on a full scholarship, which I might not have pursued had I remained at home.
But Would I Send My Own Children to Boarding School?
Absolutely not. My mother aimed for upward mobility for our family, not unlike those who ventured to new lands for a fresh start. While I appreciated the experience, I believe that, all else being equal—meaning if there are educational opportunities as good as those offered by boarding schools closer to home—my boys will stay put. Teenagers need their parents’ guidance now more than ever. They require that daily support from Mom and Dad, whether it’s navigating social issues or simply getting through the ups and downs of adolescence in a familiar and loving environment.
Moreover, I believe there are essential life skills—like cooking, budgeting, and housekeeping—that I missed out on as a teen but that my children should learn. The internet has certainly filled some gaps for me, but I still wish I had more hands-on experience. For those who have attended boarding school, let me share a few tips: dab things with Clorox wipes, and braising is quite fool-proof!
On a more personal note, I can’t bear the idea of being separated from my kids for four years longer than necessary. My husband, who lived at home until graduate school, finds the concept of boarding school absolutely baffling. “We’d pay how much for them to be surrounded by kids like that?” he quips, expressing his skepticism about the values of private-school students. “I’m not sure I want them associating with those kinds of people,” he says, as if all their classmates would be children of wealthy tycoons.
I remind him, “No high school is free of difficulties or challenging personalities.” His response is a shrug.
What truly concerns us is the reality that, in this country, a good education often comes at a high price, requiring wealth or at least close connections to it—something we’re not particularly blessed with. This might lead to some scrambling for alternatives. Homeschooling could always be an option!
If you’re contemplating your own options for education, you might find it helpful to read more about home insemination and family planning in our other posts. Whether you’re considering a traditional educational path or something more unique, it’s worth exploring all available resources. For those interested, check out this excellent compilation of information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while my boarding school experience was transformative and provided opportunities I might not have otherwise had, I believe it’s crucial for my children to remain at home. The connections, skills, and support they can gain in a loving environment are irreplaceable.
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