As a parent, my foremost aim is to nurture kind and empathetic children. My partner and I strive to exemplify generosity and community service in our daily lives. Our son participates in scouting, and we often discuss with our kids how to reach out to classmates who may be shy or struggling, encouraging them to offer compliments and invite others to join in activities. We actively follow organizations like The Bully Project and share their insights with our children, believing it’s essential for everyone to play a role in the fight against bullying.
In our household, we do not condone violence. Our two sons often turn everyday items into pretend weapons, but we make it clear that guns are dangerous tools that can cause harm. If they hurt each other while playing, we immediately intervene—playtime stops, apologies are exchanged, and they share hugs. Yet, I also teach them the importance of standing up for themselves. While we aspire to raise loving and generous children, we also want them to feel empowered to confront unkindness.
The reality is that the world can be harsh. Children can be cruel, and those who exhibit mean behavior often carry that into adulthood. We refuse to let our smart, unique, and humorous kids be taken advantage of. We instill in them that they must not allow anyone to diminish their spirits. We teach all three of our children—two boys and a girl—that self-defense is crucial. If someone harms you, you should stand your ground. Look them in the eye, show your strength, and make it clear that you will not tolerate being victimized.
I’ve come across various articles advocating that the best response to bullying is to address its underlying causes. I wholeheartedly agree; it is our responsibility as parents to ensure our children do not become bullies. Educators too must work diligently to create safe environments for all kids. However, telling me not to equip my children with the tools to fight back against bullies? I can’t accept that.
I recognize that many bullies may be acting out due to their own struggles at home, which is disheartening. I wish every child felt cherished and taught about kindness. Nonetheless, I am aware of the reality that my children will encounter unkind individuals throughout their lives—people who were not raised with empathy. Thus, I view my role as a parent as one of preparing them to navigate these challenges with dignity and resilience.
To this end, we have enrolled our children in martial arts, teaching them effective self-defense and how to execute a proper punch. We emphasize posture and confidence: “Even when you are scared, do not show it.” Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and assert verbally that you refuse to be victimized. If necessary, don’t hesitate to fight back.
Cyberbullying presents its own challenges. How does one “fight back” against online aggression? I’m still navigating that. My hope is that by instilling confidence early on, my kids will signal to others that they are not easy targets, while also building their self-esteem. I want them to feel empowered and to view themselves as leaders. Regardless of the medium—be it physical, verbal, or digital—my goal is for them to rise above adversity and emerge stronger.
So yes, I teach my kids to stand and fight. And I stand by that decision. For more insights on empowering your children, check out our other blog posts, like this one, where we explore different parenting strategies.
In summary, raising kids who can confidently confront bullies involves instilling self-defense skills while maintaining a foundation of kindness. It’s about helping them navigate a world that can be unkind, all while ensuring they carry their dignity and strength.