As a pediatrician and a parent, I can say without a doubt: I’m the favorite parent in our household. My child seeks me out when she’s scared, hurt, or just needs a cuddle. While this might sound like a dream come true, the reality is often more complicated than it seems.
I never anticipated feeling overwhelmed by this dynamic. One of the main reasons I wanted to become a parent was to experience that deep, unconditional love that children are known for. Over the past couple of years, I’ve felt that affection in countless ways—through spontaneous hugs, invitations to participate in her imaginative play, and the comfort of knowing I can make her feel better. But there’s a downside to being the preferred parent.
Being the favorite means I’m always “on call.” When my child cries in the middle of the night, I know she’s calling for me. On nights out, I often worry about how she’s coping without me, and returning home to find her still awake after hours of crying can be heart-wrenching. Weekend getaways? Forget it. And let’s not even talk about the constant physical contact—my leg is frequently gripped, my arm is tugged at, and I find myself in a never-ending game of “hold me.”
Take a recent Saturday morning: my daughter woke me up at the crack of dawn, calling for “Mama!” I had hoped to catch up on sleep, but instead, I heard her cries escalate as my partner tried to soothe her. I eventually gave in and went downstairs, bleary-eyed and tired.
The most challenging aspect, however, is how this favoritism affects my partner, Kelly. When my child calls for me, she effectively dismisses Kelly’s presence. My partner often hears, “No! Not you! Mama!” This can lead to feelings of rejection and hurt, especially since we are a two-mom family, and my child’s choice to reach for me can feel like a direct comparison. In moments of frustration, Kelly has even playfully asked, “Why does she H-A-T-E me?”
To clarify, my child does not hate her other mom. There are mornings when she greets Kelly with excitement, and she certainly expresses love for both of us in her own way. We share hugs, kisses, and tender moments, yet I still find myself in the role of the favored one.
In an effort to balance this dynamic, we try to encourage equal bonding. Whoever is nearest picks her up when she falls, and I make it a point to step out for some much-needed time away, even if it means hearing her cry as I leave. Kelly reassures me, “It’s OK! We’ll be fine! You go out!” And remarkably, we all end up alright.
When Kelly spells out her feelings about our child’s preferences, I remind her that love is abundant in our family. I’m the favorite parent now, but in the future, that could very well shift. One day, my child might turn to Kelly for guidance or comfort, leaving me on the sidelines. I know that eventually, she will express her frustrations during her teenage years, shouting, “I hate you!” to me, and in those moments, we will remind her that both of us love her unconditionally.
Ultimately, the real favorite in our family is our child, who has the right to love both of us without choosing.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family dynamics, check out this excellent resource from Resolve on family building options. If you’re looking for insightful tips and experiences, you might also want to read this post about navigating parenthood challenges or learn more about insemination techniques from experts like Make a Mom.
Summary
Being the favorite parent can be both a blessing and a challenge. While the love from your child is precious, it can create complex dynamics with your partner, especially in a two-mom family. Balancing favoritism and ensuring both parents feel valued is essential for a harmonious family life.