In the world of relationships, there’s a prevailing notion that once a romance fades, all ties should be severed. Many find the idea of reconnecting with past partners years later to be utterly baffling. But I’m not one of those individuals.
During my single years, I dated quite a bit. I never liked being set up, but one day, a colleague arranged a blind date for me with a psychiatrist. He was charming and seemed to have his life together, yet he firmly believed that men and women couldn’t be friends after a romantic relationship. Our date took place at a swanky restaurant, where he declared he could never be with a woman who kept in touch with her exes. At that moment, I found myself choking on my food and spilling my drink. Thank goodness for the emergency vodka I had stashed in my bag.
I made it clear that I couldn’t be with someone who lacked the confidence to accept my friendships with former partners. He insisted that sexual tension was essential for any male-female relationship. Our debate quickly escalated, resembling a couple on the verge of separation, until he flashed his Ph.D. credentials at me. I think I left him speechless at the hostess stand.
Though my days of being single are behind me, the friendships I’ve cultivated over the years have only strengthened. The men I once dated are now happily married fathers, and their wives have embraced our unique connections. Truthfully, I cherish these women. Just because a romantic relationship doesn’t work out doesn’t mean the friendship has to end. After dating someone for a significant time, a bond forms that doesn’t simply vanish.
Recently, I hosted a community event and invited many of my local supporters. It was a meaningful day, surrounded by people I hold dear, including my exes and their spouses. At one point, two of my former partners arrived just as my husband walked in. The energy in the room was electric, and we all shared a hearty laugh at my expense. As the wives and I joked about the situation, one of them remarked, “It says a lot about you that they would want to be here.” Another added that I was the ‘cool ex-girlfriend’ and mentioned that I was the only one of her husband’s past partners she had ever liked.
When I returned home that evening, I felt deeply touched. Not only had these men come out to support me, but their wives also offered me a gift more precious than any other: their friendship. These women had every reason to keep their distance, yet they welcomed me openly and acknowledged my loyalty to their husbands. It was an incredibly moving experience.
My husband and I share a friendship that spans over 25 years. We were platonic roommates during a time when I was involved with one of those men, and we met while I was dating his best friend. I’ve never hidden who I am from my husband; he understands my past and recognizes the importance of my friendships. He genuinely encourages these connections to flourish.
I consider myself fortunate to have such a supportive network in my life—people who trust me and know my heart is in the right place. As we age, we discover who our true friends are, and sometimes they come from unexpected places. I’m thrilled to have formed bonds with some amazing women, and I know this journey will only enhance my life. As for that disastrous blind date, he’s probably still searching for someone who fits his narrow view of relationships, but at least he paid for dinner and never reached out again, proving that not all acquaintances are worth keeping.
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In summary, maintaining friendships with ex-partners can lead to rich, supportive relationships that transcend past romantic connections. Embracing these ties fosters a sense of community and understanding, proving that love can take many forms.