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What About Me?
Updated: July 29, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2020
“I love you,” I call out as I close the door behind my teenage daughter, Mia.
“I love you,” she replies nonchalantly, hopping into the car waiting outside. I watch as she drives away, my heart a mix of pride and longing. It’s tempting to stay by the window until she returns, like a dog left home alone. But the house is mine now.
Once, having the place to myself felt like a rare treat. I could sink into the couch with a book and a steaming cup of coffee, relishing the peace and quiet. But now that Mia is a teenager, she craves independence and doesn’t rely on me as much anymore. My attempts to share my hard-earned life lessons are often met with the classic teenage eye-roll.
It feels unfair. I dedicated so much time and effort to parenting. In my generation, when we finally settled down, we embraced parenthood like an intense competition. We were involved, documenting every milestone and merging our identities with our children’s in a way that was unimaginable for our parents.
And now, that chapter is closing. What once felt like an endless journey through toddler tantrums has reached a definitive endpoint, leaving me to ponder my next steps.
“What about me?” I want to shout every time Mia leaves, but I hold my tongue, aware that self-pity won’t help. Life isn’t going back to what I wish was “normal.” I remember the advice of exasperated teens everywhere: it’s time for me to get a life of my own.
I began exploring how other women cope as their children grow up. Most articles discussed leading quieter lives, focusing on weight gain and menopause. I know I’m expected to feel sad and anxious about the empty nest, fearing the inevitable march of time.
Yet, my emotions are more nuanced: not just reflective but also filled with restlessness. I sense a bubbling excitement at the thought of this new chapter in my life.
While I acknowledge the possibility that I might be in denial, I feel ready to dive into new experiences—like trying SCUBA diving, which I’ve always wanted to do. I anticipate traveling in the fall and winter without worrying about school schedules, and I look forward to dinners with my husband without glancing at the clock, waiting for Mia to rush off to her next activity. After years of focusing solely on family, I can now lift my gaze and explore the world around me.
Although it’s bittersweet when our kids leave, we in my generation are still reasonably young. Once we acclimate to the silence, I believe we’ll thrive and create new, exciting memories. We can’t just dwell on our past or fret about our waistlines. Now is our chance to embrace everything we put on hold during those busy parenting years—we can climb mountains, swim with dolphins, and even make a difference in the world.
I feel changed from the person I used to be, and I like to think I’ve gained wisdom along the way. Parenting has reshaped me: it softened some of my sharper edges and made me more humble. I have a clearer understanding of myself now and am less swayed by external pressures than I was in my earlier years. Adulthood has granted me independence and diminished my fear of failure, setting me up for a promising future.
I’m also self-aware enough to recognize that I may fall apart emotionally after Mia leaves. No one ever claimed that an empty nest was free of complexities.
Now, as Mia spreads her wings and ventures out, I hover protectively, anxious about the world’s dangers while understanding that she needs to take flight. My own wings may be worn, but on good days, I feel ready to soar again.
“I love you,” I’ll whisper as she drives away. Then, I’ll see just how far my old wings can take me.
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For a deeper dive into related topics, explore this link for additional perspectives.
Summary:
This article reflects on the emotional journey of a parent as their teenage child seeks independence, highlighting the bittersweet transition to an empty nest. While acknowledging the sadness of letting go, the author embraces newfound opportunities for growth and adventure. The narrative emphasizes personal transformation through parenting and the potential for future experiences.