As a physician and a mother, I often find myself grappling with anger. This ranges from minor irritations—like discovering the last of the eggs has been used and the empty carton left in the fridge—to more significant frustrations, such as the staggering cost of childcare that exceeds rent payments. There are moments of intense rage, especially when confronted with societal issues like the notion that more guns in schools could somehow solve gun violence. Despite these feelings, I tend to suppress my anger. I shake my head at the eggs, resign myself to our inadequate family policies, and tell myself, “What can you do?” When faced with issues like gun violence, I attempt to redirect my feelings towards more “constructive” outlets. At times, I worry that if I were to fully express my anger, others would label me as irrational.
Understanding the Stigma
Why is there such a stigma around women exhibiting anger? When men express their anger, they are often perceived as assertive and passionate. Conversely, angry women are frequently viewed as unstable. Research supports this disparity. For instance, a study discussed by journalist Mark Evans in the Journal of Social Psychology involved participants acting as jurors in a mock trial. The jurors viewed a video of a man on trial for allegedly murdering his wife. Following the initial vote, a male or female juror who disagreed with the majority began sending increasingly angry messages. Results indicated that when the male juror displayed anger, other participants started to doubt their initial opinions. In contrast, when the female juror expressed anger, participants grew more confident in their original decisions.
Evans notes that this phenomenon occurs for both male and female participants, demonstrating that “men can exert greater social influence through the expression of anger,” while women tend to lose credibility. This aligns with findings from a 2008 study, which found that men gain status after displaying anger, while women lose it. Thus, anger in men is often interpreted as justified, whereas women’s anger is perceived as indicative of personal shortcomings, implying they are “out of control.”
The Impact on Mothers
This dynamic is particularly relevant for mothers. I often feel my temper flare when I’m juggling two small children who think it’s amusing to trip me as I carry in groceries. I reflect on my frustration when I write a check for a babysitter, only to realize my paycheck barely covers it. I even think about my anger in response to the alarming rate of school shootings. It’s an ongoing battle to manage my emotions, whether the triggers are trivial or monumental. However, I’m beginning to believe that it’s time for mothers to stop stifling their anger. There’s a lot for us to be upset about.
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Conclusion
In summary, this exploration of anger reveals a stark gender divide in how emotions are perceived. While men’s anger can elevate their status, women’s anger often diminishes theirs. It’s vital for mothers to acknowledge their feelings rather than suppress them—there are legitimate reasons to be angry.