In the journey of parenting, the most rewarding moments often arise from witnessing our children confront challenges head-on. As I watched my son, Ethan, struggle through an obstacle course at the park, I was reminded of the importance of fostering both resilience and grace in our children.
“Kids who bounce back after setbacks can be perceived as troublemakers, but they are often the most adventurous and bold,” as noted by the renowned researcher Brené Brown. Ethan had fallen several times—each tumble a tiny fracture in my heart, worried he might be hurt, in more ways than one. Initially, I questioned our decision to come to the park; perhaps staying at home would have been easier. After all, it was Ethan’s idea to create an American Ninja Warrior course, and now he was grappling with frustration.
His younger brother, Noah, had breezed through the course in a matter of minutes, prompting cheers of “Great job, Noah! You’re a ninja warrior!” But Ethan’s turn was a different story. After a hesitant start, he quickly stumbled upon the last obstacle—a narrow beam. Barefoot, he stepped on and lost his balance, falling immediately. He tried to mimic Noah’s technique, crawling up the beam, but gravity had other plans.
As he repeatedly fell, I felt a mix of concern and helplessness. The seconds ticked away on my iPhone stopwatch, and I exchanged glances with my husband. We had both witnessed his exasperation unfold countless times before, and I braced myself for a potential meltdown. But then something unexpected happened. With each fall, Ethan didn’t give up. Instead of letting go, he wrapped himself around the beam and crawled upward, inching toward victory like a determined sloth.
Finally, he reached the top, and we erupted in cheers. “Way to go, Ethan!” was our joyous chant. Curious about his time, he learned that Noah had finished much faster. I anticipated a flood of disappointment and excuses, but instead, Ethan surprised us by congratulating his brother. “Noah, that was really impressive! You climbed that last obstacle so quickly!”
In that moment, I realized that resilience is not just about overcoming obstacles but also about celebrating others’ successes. My husband and I applauded Ethan—not merely for completing the course but for embodying perseverance and sportsmanship. He hadn’t scored the winning goal or aced a test; he had simply faced challenges with grit and grace.
As parents, we often focus on the achievements of our children, celebrating the high points—like the aced tests and championship wins. However, it’s essential to recognize the struggles that lead to those moments. Brené Brown articulates this well when she states, “Daring greatly means signing up to get our asses kicked.” In our desire to shield our kids from pain, we sometimes overlook the valuable lessons that come from falling down.
Watching someone we love stumble is incredibly difficult; we yearn to shield them from disappointment. We should encourage them to take risks, to dare greatly, and to embrace the lessons learned from failure. I ponder whether, in our eagerness to celebrate successes, we inadvertently neglect to acknowledge the journey—the falls, the scrapes, and the determination it took to rise again.
This summer, Ethan experienced a significant win when he pitched in his first baseball game. After a shaky start, the applause echoed as he struck out three batters. Yet, as proud as I was that night, I realized that I would rather celebrate his tenacity during that hot afternoon in the park. When he faces challenges in the future, I want him to remember that he has the strength to get back up, to persevere, and to carry forward the lessons learned from his struggles.
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Summary:
In raising children, it’s crucial to emphasize resilience and the value of perseverance. Watching our children face challenges can be difficult, but these moments teach them to get back up and try again. By celebrating not just accomplishments but the struggles that lead to them, we can cultivate a mindset that values effort, hard work, and grace in the face of adversity.