By Dr. Emily Carter
It’s a Thursday morning around 9:45 a.m., and I find myself parked outside a local convenience store, having just dropped my son off at preschool. The ATM sits a mere 20 feet away from my car, nestled in a row of gas pumps. In this quiet hour between the bustling breakfast rush and the lunchtime crowd, only a few patrons are around—some filling their tanks, others darting inside for quick snacks or energy drinks.
As I sit in the driver’s seat, I contemplate my options: Should I unbuckle my little one from his car seat and lug him inside for the brief transaction I need to make? Or should I leave him snoozing in the back, secure and comfortable, while I swiftly complete my task? I often toy with the idea of leaving him behind, envisioning how much easier it would be to execute a quick cash withdrawal without the 27-step process of safely entering and exiting the store with a toddler in tow. But the thought of doing so fills me with dread.
I’ve never actually gone through with it. The fear of judgment looms large—what if a passerby sees my child strapped in and decides to chastise me for leaving him unattended? Or worse, what if they involve the authorities, claiming I’m putting my child in danger? In this moment, I recognize how deeply the fear of being labeled a negligent parent affects my choices.
This introspection prompts me to wonder what kind of parent I would be if there were no eyes upon me. Would I be the type to let my son snack on an unweighed banana at the grocery store without a second thought? Would I stop chattering endlessly to my uninterested infant just to appease the onlookers? Would I have the confidence to sip a glass of wine while nursing my baby in a crowded restaurant? If I’m honest, I’d likely say yes to all these scenarios. And if there were no spectators, I wouldn’t feel guilty about any of it.
So why do I allow the opinions of strangers to influence my parenting decisions? The answer is multifaceted. We live in an era steeped in quick judgment, where parents are scrutinized in the public arena at every turn. It’s as if everyone is waiting to point out our mistakes, to tell us how we should have acted differently. A judgmental person sees only a fleeting moment of my parenting journey, not the complete narrative filled with love and care. I find myself glancing over my shoulder when I hand my phone to my son during a tantrum in a café or allow him a fast-food treat at a sporting event—decisions I once swore I’d never make, yet here I am, fearing the judgment that might follow.
As I dash into the store to use the ATM, I can’t help but worry about the woman parked next to me, who could easily witness my secret. If she weren’t there, I might feel completely at ease about my choice. Yet, her presence amplifies my anxiety, making me feel as if I’m being monitored from afar. Yet again, I’ve allowed an unknowing stranger to dictate my choices, or at least make me feel guilty about them.
This raises an interesting question: If a mother leaves her child safely locked in a car and no one is around to judge her, does she still doubt her decision?
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In summary, the pressures of public perception often overshadow our instincts as parents, leading us to second-guess ourselves in everyday situations. If we could liberate ourselves from this judgment, how different might our parenting choices be?