The notion of having a birth partner has become quite prevalent in contemporary America, with the expectation that expectant mothers will have someone—be it a partner, doula, or friend—by their side during labor. Our generation has embraced the idea that support can enhance the birthing experience, offering comfort and assistance in communicating with medical personnel. However, I chose a different path, opting for a more traditional approach reminiscent of times when fathers waited in the wings. My own mother hadn’t even heard of a doula until her children were having children.
When I went into labor with my second child, I made the decision to leave my husband and toddler at home. This choice was significantly influenced by my history of preterm labor. After returning from a swim on a sweltering July day, I was 33 weeks along. I slipped into a comfortable pink maternity nightgown, hoping to relax after my last appointment revealed that my baby was in a breech position. After trying various methods to encourage the baby to turn, I was exhausted and unwilling to venture out again.
Then the cramps began. Knowing that dehydration could trigger contractions, I downed water and rested. But soon, the cramps intensified and transformed into regular contractions, prompting a trip to the labor and delivery unit. With no family nearby and friends yet to be contacted for emergency childcare, I assured my husband that the doctors could halt the contractions, expecting to return home the next day on bed rest. Deep down, though, I knew that wasn’t the case.
Having experienced a preterm birth at 32 weeks due to a partial placental abruption, I sensed I might be in for another challenging delivery. I had confided in my mother weeks earlier that I was contemplating going solo for this labor, and she had found the idea rather sad and unusual. After helping our toddler select a bedtime story for Dad, I slipped out and called a car service to take me to the hospital.
Upon arrival, the pain escalated rapidly, and an ultrasound confirmed the baby was still breech. Soon after, my water broke, confirming that I wouldn’t be leaving the hospital anytime soon. I was in a state of agony, and the surgeon later explained that the intensity of my labor was consistent with full placental abruption.
As I was whisked to the operating room, I signed consent forms in a haze of pain. When asked if I had contacted anyone, I replied no; everything was unfolding too quickly. A medical staff member offered to call my husband for me, relaying only the essential information: “Your wife is having an emergency C-section. She will call you when it’s over.”
It was around midnight when my husband realized he wouldn’t be able to sleep. In an effort to calm his nerves, he tidied up the apartment and tackled some laundry—a smart choice, considering the chaotic nature of our previous experience together. Ultimately, he respected my decision to go through this alone.
The surgeon assured me that the baby would be delivered within ten minutes, and she was true to her word. I heard my son’s first cries and caught a glimpse of him before he was taken to the NICU. As I lay in recovery, I felt an unexpected sense of calm wash over me. My husband had donned a brave face during our first son’s delivery, but the chaos had clearly drained him then. With both of our children safe at home, I could fully concentrate on my recovery.
As an introvert, I find solace in solitude, often needing quiet moments to process intense experiences. I had time to stabilize and then move to the maternity ward, where I could speak with my husband over the phone and check on our baby’s condition. Without a birth partner, I felt I had more room to absorb the whole experience.
While going it alone may not be the best choice for everyone, it’s essential to recognize that not all mothers require a support person. Laboring with just medical staff or a midwife may suit some individuals, depending on their personality and circumstances. For those interested in exploring various options for conception, you may want to check out this informative post on intracervical insemination. Additionally, for those considering at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers valuable resources. For comprehensive insights into pregnancy, Facts About Fertility is an excellent reference.
In summary, while the experience of childbirth can be daunting, the choice of whether to have a partner present is deeply personal. Embracing solitude may provide clarity and focus for some mothers during this intense journey.