I recently tied the knot and now have two wonderful children, a cozy home, and a fulfilling career. At first glance, my life may seem pretty standard, and you might even relate to many of these aspects. However, if I had been born just 50 years earlier, I wouldn’t enjoy the same rights to love, bodily autonomy, and property ownership that I do today.
While I won’t bore you with a detailed history of feminism—mostly because my knowledge is limited—I do understand this: without the strides made by feminists, my current life wouldn’t exist. In the mid-1800s, women in the U.S. gained the right to own property. This seems trivial now, but back then, women were considered property themselves. A husband or father owned everything—the woman, the estate, and the finances. If a husband passed away, a wife might inherit his property, but she often couldn’t do anything with it; it was still essentially his. This historical context has had lasting implications, influencing ongoing debates about reproductive rights, marriage laws, and the objectification of women.
My personal journey began after college when I sought a job that would allow me to contribute to society beyond just motherhood and household chores. I secured a position that paid me a salary, which I used for rent, meals, and perhaps indulged a bit too much on cheese. I reveled in the independence that came with my earnings. Feminists before me fought for women’s right to live independently, to provide for themselves without relying on a man. For this, I am grateful.
As I enjoyed my newfound freedom and well-fed belly, I met someone special—another woman who had her own job, her own cheese, and a home she purchased independently, thanks to her bank loan. After a year together, we decided to commit to one another for life. However, we faced a significant barrier: at that time, the law didn’t recognize marriages between two women. There were no regulations outlining how one woman could legally own another, leaving us in a legal gray area.
Instead of waiting for the law to catch up, we took matters into our own hands and bought property together. We opened a joint checking account, which, for many—including our employers—was sufficient to prove our commitment. This allowed us some benefits, such as health insurance coverage for each other and discounts at the gym. Yet, we still encountered outdated assumptions; I was often asked if I wanted separate checks at restaurants, and when I purchased a car, the dealer suggested I consult my “husband” before making a decision. We encountered these frustrations with a mix of sarcasm and resilience. A decade later, with four dogs by our side, we decided to expand our family.
This is where financial resources again played a crucial role. I invested in medical tests, procedures, and sperm donations, all of which weren’t covered by our health insurance despite my comprehensive plan. After three years filled with credit card debt and emotional strain, I welcomed our first daughter into the world, followed by another two years later.
Legally, I was recognized as the sole parent, so my partner had to adopt our children. This meant we had to pay for a social services evaluation of our home and relationship to prove she was fit to be a parent. I had to testify in court that she was not only my partner but also the loving parent of our children, there from day one and always ready to comfort them or stand up for them fiercely.
Then, one day, while juggling dentist appointments and daycare pickups, I received a call. “The Attorney General is issuing marriage licenses,” my partner announced. I found the timing amusing. “Do you want to get married again?” I asked. “Not really, but I would if it matters to you.” Just days earlier, we had secretly flown to Chicago to marry, hoping to secure our rights before a potential law change in Colorado.
Navigating these rights and responsibilities has been a challenge, especially considering that we’ve earned only 76 cents for every dollar a man would have made for the same work. We’ve jumped through legal hoops that would likely have been much simpler if we were a heterosexual couple with a home, jobs, and children. Yet, I remain incredibly thankful for what I have, knowing that many women have far less.
When celebrities like Nicki Minaj, Shailene Woodley, and Carrie Underwood question whether they fit the label of feminism, I encourage them to reflect on their privileges—luxurious homes, lucrative contracts—and ask if they would be comfortable transferring that freedom to a male relative because women should not own property but rather be property themselves. The ability to choose—that is feminism.
For more insights into the journey of family building, consider checking out this other post on our blog. Additionally, if you’re interested in at-home insemination options, you can find reputable kits from Cryobaby, and for further resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Progyny.
Summary:
Feminism has profoundly shaped my life, granting me rights and freedoms unimaginable just a few decades ago. From property ownership to reproductive choices, the progress made by feminists has enabled me to build a family and a career on my own terms. While navigating legal hurdles to gain recognition for my family, I remain grateful for the journey and the choices feminism has afforded me.
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