So, my nine-year-old is autistic.
I can’t count the number of times I sat down over two months, trying to condense my thoughts into these three simple words: “Max has autism.”
Last October, I received a call from the school psychologist. “Hi, Ms. Caldwell,” she said, “Could you come in this week to discuss Max’s IEP results?” Max had been on an Individualized Education Program since he started public school, but moving to Nevada meant a fresh evaluation and new assessments.
Sure, I thought. I was excited to discuss Max’s progress. He was thriving in 3rd grade, and his reading and writing skills had taken off. Of all my children, Max had adjusted the best to our move from Germany to Las Vegas.
I sat down with the psychologist, fully expecting a quick and easy meeting. My husband was away for a temporary assignment, and I was managing things solo, but I figured this was just a routine check-in.
“So, Max is doing wonderfully, right?” I asked, beaming.
“Well, yes, he’s a fantastic kid. I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing his IEP and talking to his teachers,” she replied.
“Absolutely! They send home such great notes. He’s really soaring!” I responded, oblivious.
She hesitated. “His testing in Germany was quite extensive, and they did a thorough job.”
“I agree. We had a great team there,” I said, still not picking up on her tone.
Then she dropped the bombshell. “After speaking with his teachers and speech therapist, we really think Max is autistic.”
Silence.
“What?” I could hardly process it. My mind raced, and it felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“We’ve observed him closely,” she continued, “and I feel we need to run a few more tests, if that’s alright with you.”
“Wait, I’m confused,” I said, struggling to contain my frustration. “We’ve had him tested repeatedly since he was five! Are you saying that every expert we consulted missed this?”
She explained that while he had been tested multiple times for autism, many symptoms might not manifest until after age eight or nine. For instance, a six-year-old might be puzzled if you say, “It’s raining cats and dogs,” but a nine-year-old typically understands the joke.
Max, however, completely misses those cues. My legs tingled, and my head felt heavy as her words sank in.
In that moment, all I heard was: your son is broken. He’s not keeping up; he’s not like the other kids. It’s more than just quirks or anxiety—he’s different, and there’s no fixing it.
It’s humbling to confront such a reality as a parent, especially when you’ve been wrapped in a protective emotional bubble. I had worried about Max despite several doctors ruling out autism. Had they all been mistaken? Had I been in denial?
With my husband away and no family or friends nearby, the weight of this revelation felt overwhelming. For a brief moment, I considered leaving, walking out on the meeting, and ignoring the suggestion that my child—
“Okay,” I finally said. “What’s the next step? If you think it’s possible, let’s run those tests. Can we start now?”
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say, and I had to do it quickly before I lost my courage.
After completing the first test, which forced me to confront the subtle signs I had glossed over, I knew. The boy I brought into that meeting hadn’t changed, but I had.
Sitting in my car afterward, I couldn’t find the strength to leave. I called a friend, and she let me cry it out. It’s tough to write this because it still brings tightness to my throat. I picture my sweet, blonde boy who loves to “spend time alone” with his terrarium. He’s charming, finds joy in simple things, and is bright, kind, and thoughtful. And yes, he’s autistic.
It didn’t take long for our reactions to his diagnosis to fall into place, especially my husband’s, which was filled with relief. You don’t realize how freeing a diagnosis can be until you embrace it. Suddenly, the worries about his obsessions, food anxieties, and social challenges made sense.
Max is autistic, and that knowledge has transformed our lives.
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In summary, receiving Max’s autism diagnosis after so many years was a life-changing moment for our family. It brought clarity and understanding, shifting our perspective and allowing us to embrace who he truly is.