I absolutely cherish my little boy! He is, as the world’s best super nanny might say, “practically perfect in every way.” He’s sweet, affectionate, friendly, intelligent, curious, fun-loving, and gives the most heartwarming hugs.
That being said, there is one little hiccup… he is an awful sleeper. It might have something to do with his inability to self-soothe and his belief that my presence is essential for his comfort. When he awakens and I’m not around, he doesn’t know what to do but cry. (Apologies to the gentlemen, but doesn’t this sound like a typical man?)
As he approaches 19 months and my own sleep has been a distant memory for the past 28 months, it’s high time I establish some sleep training. So here’s my 30-step plan to help my toddler learn to sleep soundly:
- Settle him down for bed at his usual time, following our regular routine of rocking and nursing—if he’s cozy and content, maybe he’ll sleep through the night.
- Return to my nightly routine, which usually involves crawling into bed around 2:00 a.m.
- Get all snuggled up, wiggling around until I find that sweet spot in my bed.
- Start to drift off, just touching the edge of dreamland.
- Wait, is that a baby crying? Yep, definitely a baby crying.
- Get nudged by my husband, “The baby is crying.”
- Unwrap myself from my warm cocoon and prepare to get out of bed, as my husband suggests, “Just let him cry.”
- Cover back up and stare at the ceiling, listening to the baby’s cries.
- After twenty minutes, I lay there fuming, while my husband snores peacefully and the baby yells, “Mommy! Moooooommmmmmy!”
- Finally, I get out of bed, close the door to the bedroom to keep my husband from waking up.
- Make sure to shut all bedroom doors, so my other children don’t wake up.
- Stand at the door handle of the baby’s room, willing him to stop crying.
- After almost dozing off while standing, I decide it’s best to lay in the hallway and listen to the baby cry. Maybe being close to the door will absorb the sound and spare everyone else.
- Just as I start to drift off, sharp pain shoots through my hip from lying on the floor.
- Realize the baby is now sobbing uncontrollably.
- Think, why not, and enter his room.
- My plan is to simply shush him and give him a light pat, but when he smiles and reaches for me saying, “Mommy!” I can’t resist.
- I scoop him up and sink into his warm hug filled with toddler sweetness.
- Sway with him until his little head droops on my shoulder.
- Convinced he’s asleep, I gently lay him back in his crib.
- Let out a loud “CRAP!” as he immediately pops back up.
- Walk back down the hall, shut the door, and crawl back into bed, burying my head under blankets and pillows.
- But wait, I can still hear him yelling, “MOMMY!!”
- Hear my 9-year-old in the hallway and realize the baby is on the verge of waking everyone.
- Throw off the covers with an exaggerated sigh.
- Meet my 9-year-old, who says, “Mom, the baby wants you.”
- Curse my overly fertile body.
- Completely give in by picking up the toddler, getting comfy in the rocking chair, and nursing him back to sleep, while wrestling with a cramp in my backside.
- Accept that this routine may last until he’s off to kindergarten or I find the funds to hire a baby whisperer.
- Finally put my baby down, sound asleep, and sneak out as the sun rises, reminding myself that he’s only little for a blink of an eye. Who really cares? Not me… not really.
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Summary
This article outlines a humorous 30-step plan for sleep training a toddler, depicting the struggles and emotional rollercoaster many parents face. It presents relatable anecdotes of sleepless nights and the challenges of establishing a bedtime routine while maintaining a lighthearted tone.