This year, the excitement of back-to-school didn’t last long. Not even the shiny new pencils or crisp uniforms could lift the gloomy atmosphere that crept into our home once the kids returned to class. It’s only been 13 days, and I’m already eagerly anticipating Thanksgiving—our first real break (a whopping 74 days away, by the way). By day 8, my lunch ideas had run dry. On day 10, we overslept. By day 12, I jokingly suggested we switch to homeschooling, just to enjoy a few more late mornings. The kids’ blank stares made it clear that was not happening.
As I waited in the carpool line on day 13, I couldn’t help but reminisce about our summer filled with lazy mornings, spontaneous beach trips, and s’mores under the stars. I found myself missing the sandy remnants of our beach days and the surfboards peeking out from between the seats of my car. I longed for a washing machine full of swimsuits instead of polo shirts adorned with our school emblem.
Then, the moment the car doors swung open, my kids clambered in, and our peaceful ride turned into a chaotic 20-minute argument. Suddenly, I was reminded that summer wasn’t all sunshine and laughter. By week 4, I had tearfully called my husband, offering to auction off my own blood for a camp—any camp—to escape the non-stop squabbling. If arguing over trivial matters were an Olympic sport, my kids would take home the gold.
Here are just 29 of the absurd things my kids bicker about:
- Who has the cooler juice glass
- Debating whether or not they’re arguing—yes, it’s true!
- Who’s “out” during games of Gaga, butts-up, or Nerf Wars
- Whose sock is on the floor
- Anything based on personal opinion
- Any so-called “facts”
- Who greeted the neighbor first
- What time Grandma and Grandpa are due
- What time Grandma and Grandpa actually arrived
- Who hugged Grandma and Grandpa first
- How to empty the dishwasher (spoiler: neither of them does it correctly)
- The best method for scooping dog poop
- Who last fed the dog
- Whose tortoise is bigger
- Who gets the last cookie
- Who gets the first helping of dessert
- What we had for dinner last night
- Who gets sunscreen applied first at the beach
- Whether the latest Maroon 5 song is overplayed
- Which route to school is faster
- Who started “it” during an argument
- Who gets to use the treadmill versus the elliptical (turn-taking? What’s that?)
- Who unlocks the car door first
- Who unlocks the front door first
- Who left the car door open
- Who forgot to close the front door
- Slurpee vs. McFlurry debate
- Who greeted Dad at the door first
- Who greeted Dad at the door yesterday
As I ponder the 74 days until Thanksgiving, it’s safe to say that packing lunches has never sounded so appealing.
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In summary, kids can squabble over an astonishingly wide range of silly subjects, turning even the simplest moments into epic debates. As parents, we might just have to learn to roll with the punches and laugh at the chaos.