By: Jessie T. Anderson
Updated: Aug. 26, 2019
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2015
Image via Shutterstock
Finding my way to marriage wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. It took us seven long years to get engaged, and nine years later, we strolled down a path adorned with rose petals to say “I do.” The journey leading up to that magical day wasn’t a cakewalk. After nearly 13 years together, I won’t pretend that our love story was a fairy tale that began with love at first sight. It was a gradual process. Behind the man who was still figuring things out was a woman with a clear vision of what she wanted.
What I yearned for was a marriage, a cozy home, and perhaps a baby—maybe even a furry friend someday. Fast forward to today, and my wish is to provide a better life for our little one, away from the “crack alley” right across the street. Wanting a brighter future for our child and our family sounds so simple, but life has never been that straightforward for us. Our love is intense, and our arguments can be equally fiery. Every decision we make is steeped in emotion, and let’s just say we’re not short on passion.
It’s easy to look at our wedding photos and assume we have it all figured out. You see me kissing my husband in my champagne-colored wedding dress, surrounded by tulle, and it’s easy to think, “They must be so happy.” And trust me, we were on that day. Right after we were pronounced husband and wife, I couldn’t help but shout, “Thank you!” loud enough for the whole congregation to hear. I felt like I was on top of the world and couldn’t express my gratitude enough.
But there are countless things people don’t see in those joyful wedding snapshots. They can’t see the blood, sweat, tears, and maybe a few choice words that went into getting us to that church on that sweltering July evening. I’ll never sugarcoat our marriage; it’s not a walk in the park. Much like parenthood, it’s something I work at every single day.
There were times when one of us wanted to throw in the towel. We’ve sat cross-legged, facing each other, and said, “I hate you”—and oh boy, we meant it. There were moments when one of us left, and other times when we simply let go. But here’s the kicker: we’ve never officially broken up for more than a day. We’ve always found our way back to each other.
Even during those moments when I genuinely despised him, I learned to love again. I poured my heart and soul into this relationship and eventually learned to invest in myself. I took care of my health and self-esteem, and I fell in love with who I was, both inside and out.
I learned to love myself before I could fully commit to loving him. And in return, he loved me even during times when I struggled to love myself. There was a point when I gained a substantial amount of weight, and I would question, “How can he possibly find me attractive?” I loathed my own body, the extra pounds, and the stretch marks that seemed to be spreading like wildflowers. But he saw beyond the surface and cherished the person I truly was.
He loved me through my ups and downs—through my battles with addiction, through the nights I stumbled home after too many drinks, and even when I found myself in some pretty embarrassing situations. Yet despite everything, he chose to start a family with me. I’ve worn many hats in this lifetime, and through it all, his love was a constant.
Thanks to his unwavering support, I became a mom—the person I always aspired to be. People see the smiles and happy family photos on social media, but they’ll never understand the struggles that led us here. The journey from being his girlfriend to becoming his wife and finally welcoming our child has been a testament to hard work, resilience, and a bit of stubbornness. Today, as we play with our little one, cuddling on the couch, I can’t help but feel grateful for our journey.
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In summary, our marriage is a beautiful mess of love, growth, and perseverance.