In our mid-30s, both nontraditional students, I was in my last year of college when I met Alex in class. We hit it off immediately, chatting before lectures and sharing cigarettes after class. As I shared stories about my young daughter and the decision to leave her father, Alex opened up about his travels and work experiences. We often grabbed drinks between classes—good times all around!
Looking back, I can’t believe it took me two months to realize Alex was gay. I felt like I was living in a sitcom! Here I was, bonding with a guy I thought could be a potential partner, only to discover he was off the market in an entirely different way. Talk about ironic!
After I graduated a semester ahead of Alex, we made it a point to stay connected. Before long, we were inseparable. He became my go-to plus-one for weddings, my dinner companion, and my confidant. We even tackled the LSAT and GRE together! My family, including my daughter, embraced Alex wholeheartedly, and one day, someone jokingly asked, “Where’s your gay husband?” That’s when the term stuck. We affectionately dubbed each other “gay husband” and “straight wife.”
A year later, I packed up my daughter and moved 1,500 miles away for grad school, but that didn’t stop us. We kept in touch and made the most of our visits. After my master’s, I returned to the Midwest for my Ph.D., and our friendship remained as strong as ever. Whether he’s crashing at my place or I’m staying at his, we enjoy our time together like a quirky old couple. He knows the right answer when I ask, “Do I look fat in this?” and I give him a hard time for being late.
Alex has been my shoulder to cry on during tough breakups and a sounding board for my worst dates. He’s been a wonderful male role model for my daughter and has even become a friend to my parents. Generous doesn’t even begin to describe him—he once lent me money for a bedroom set for my daughter when her father wouldn’t chip in, and later forgave the debt as a birthday gift! He treats me to dinners, thoughtful gifts, and has a knack for helping me work through life’s big decisions. Plus, he’s not afraid to call me out when I’m being a bit of a diva.
I used to think that every woman had a gay best friend who served as a glorified girlfriend—better fashion advice, haircuts, and all that jazz. While I’ve had those types of friendships over the years, I’ve come to realize that my bond with Alex is unique. Male and female friendships have different dynamics, especially now that I’m older. I can chat about parenting with both genders, but I reserve the more intimate topics for my girlfriends.
Through my friendship with Alex, I’ve discovered that a gay male friend is not just a stand-in for a girlfriend; he occupies a special place in my heart and life. Without the undercurrent of physical attraction, I can fully appreciate his emotional and financial support without any strings attached. His intelligence, humor, empathy, and generosity are qualities I hope to find in a partner one day. But for now, having an extraordinary gay husband and my trusty vibrator is a pretty great combo!
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In summary, every woman could benefit from having a fabulous gay best friend who provides unwavering support, laughter, and a unique friendship that only gets better with time.