If you dive into the research and heed the experts, family dinners are hailed as essential. Children who regularly gather around the dinner table with their parents are allegedly smarter, kinder, and even primed to run hedge funds after graduating from Ivy League schools—all while being drug-free and exceptionally good-looking. Sounds impressive, right? But here’s the kicker for me: I absolutely dread family dinner.
My kids are on a schedule that could only be described as the Early Bird Special, which means that for four nights a week, it’s just the girls and me at the table before their dad gets home. More often than not, it feels like a scene from a horror movie. With my picky eaters, meal planning becomes a high-stakes game, and no matter how hard I try, I just don’t find joy in cooking.
As soon as we sit down, I transform into a grumpy gremlin mom, nagging them to sit up straight and stop playing with their food. Sometimes they eat, but more often than not, they just find creative uses for hummus and yogurt—like hair gel or cushion stuffing. Their dinner entertainment usually involves nonsensical songs they’ve picked up at camp. Their current favorite? “Moose, Alpaca, Moose, Moose, Alpaca, Evil Mr. Coconut turned into a palm tree!” (Wait, what?) Sure, their singing is cute, but not at the dinner table, please! Halfway through, I find myself snapping that there shall be no singing at the table, only to storm off to wash dishes in a passive-aggressive display that they blissfully ignore.
I was venting to my therapist, expecting her to remind me of the importance of family dinner and offer tips to improve it. Instead, she gave me a refreshing revelation: “Forget about family dinner. Just let it go.”
She explained that the core of the matter isn’t about the dinner itself. What really counts is establishing a daily ritual of coming together, a time where we can genuinely pay attention to one another without nagging, screens, or fretting over lunch boxes. If a nightly meal works for you, great! But if forcing your kids to sit still during the witching hour just so you can watch them reject your lovingly prepared food while they belt out the kindergarten classic of “99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall” isn’t your jam, don’t stress about it. Find another way to bond with your kids each day.
Well, that was a lightbulb moment. I can certainly read with my kids, color alongside them, listen to their chatter during our car rides, sing to them, and snuggle at bedtime. I can even join them for breakfast (because coffee is a magical elixir).
So, I’ve officially let go of the notion of family dinner. Don’t get me wrong; I still feed my kids every night (yes, every single night), and sometimes I sit with them. Other times, we take our plastic plates out to the porch, where they munch on nuggets while running up and down the steps, greeting neighbors and collecting stones for their rock garden. Some evenings, they eat while I tidy up—moving helps me keep my cool. On other nights, I read to them while they eat; we once made it through the entire American Girl catalog in a week, which was far less annoying than listening to their sibling squabbles.
Now that we’ve waved goodbye to the traditional family dinner, I’m not too sure if my kids will make it to an Ivy League institution. But I’m feeling a lot more confident that we’ll all celebrate their 18th birthdays together.
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Summary:
In her candid reflection, Jenna Thompson shares her journey of releasing the pressure surrounding the concept of family dinner. After realizing that meaningful family connections don’t have to happen at the dinner table, she embraces alternative rituals that foster bonding with her children, from reading together to enjoying meals in a more relaxed setting.