Dear curious onlookers at Costco,
I noticed the raised eyebrows and hushed murmurs as we navigated our way through the packed parking lot. You were likely taken aback as we squeezed our stylish 15-passenger van into a spot wedged between a sleek two-door sports car and a compact Smart Car. You witnessed our valiant attempt to unload our crew with all the grace and organization we could muster. After 23 minutes of orchestrating the chaos, we finally made our way toward Costco, accompanied by our seven children and three shopping carts for our weekly grocery haul.
I can only imagine the thoughts swirling in your minds as you observed one child wearing an open-toed sandal on his right foot and a rubber boot, artfully held together with duct tape, on the left. You also spotted another child sporting pajama pants that were at least three sizes too small, paired with a faded shirt featuring Thomas the Train—because he insists on dressing with his eyes closed.
I’ve thrown in the towel.
Our toddler looked like he was ready for a luxurious afternoon on a yacht, while another was dressed as if preparing for a ski trip. The child wailing in the cart was not protesting the joys of Costco shopping—no, he was quite upset because we don’t allow him to shop in the nude.
You gazed at our moving circus with a mix of horror and fascination. “Why on earth do they have SEVEN children?” you must have wondered. But let’s take a moment to reflect on that number. Seven is hardly an outrageous figure. If I mentioned having seven goldfish, you might have curiously asked if I had any other pets. If I said I owned seven pairs of shoes, you’d likely shrug it off. But seven children? The astonishment is as if I had suggested lassoing a bald eagle for dinner.
After making it past the Costco entrance, we maneuvered through the aisles, determined to fill our carts and sample all the food on offer. You probably cringed as a lanky teenager in ill-fitting cut-offs and a Seahawks jersey devoured 14 samples of microwaveable beef wellington in just three bites, then reached for more. This kid is precisely why we frequent Costco. His voracious appetite prompted us to upgrade to an EXECUTIVE Membership after a cashier pointed out, “Mrs. Thompson, our records show you spend more than the average family.” I can believe it. At home, he’s known as The Very Hungry Teenager, capable of consuming a full meal and still asking, “Are you going to finish that?”
So you see, we are as tied to Costco as gravity is to the earth. We practically live there and have become accustomed to the bewildered reactions from fellow shoppers pushing carts filled with frozen pizza, snacks, and weight-loss supplements.
Common Questions from Curious Bystanders
Since discussing my family size with strangers in the cheese aisle is one of my favorite pastimes, I’m happy to share answers to some of your most common questions. Here’s a handy guide for your next encounter with us:
Q: Adorable baby! Is she your last?
A: For this year, yes.
Q: Why do you have so many kids?
A: Because it increases our chances of a good nursing home.
Q: Do all your kids share the same dad?
A: So far, yes.
Q: What’s your monthly food bill?
A: How much is your mortgage?
Q: How will you pay for their college?
A: Bless your heart for thinking my kids might get into a reputable institution instead of a circus.
Q: Is it loud at home?
A: Excuse me? What did you say?
Q: Are you trying to emulate that family with nineteen kids?
A: Oh yes, because seven is just so close to nineteen!
Q: Why is that one taking off his clothes?
A: Don’t worry; he’ll stop once he realizes we’re buying mustard.
I hope that clears up some of your curiosity.
Looking back, I’m sure you’ve mentally blocked out the chaos that unfolded in the checkout line, which included a twirling sister, a sprawling brother, runaway oranges, a dramatic tantrum, and a flying churro. After St. Peter (the receipt guardian) gave us the nod to leave, we herded our little circus back to the van and headed home—much to your relief, I’m sure.
As I sit here sipping coffee and reminiscing about yet another wild Costco adventure, I want to extend an invitation: feel free to join us on our next shopping trip! We love making new friends. Just promise me you’ll dress appropriately—whether that means yacht attire, sleepover pajamas, or ski gear.
For more insights on family life and the joys of growing a big family, check out this post on Cervical Insemination. And if you’re looking for at-home insemination kits, Make A Mom is a trusted resource. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Kindbody, which offers excellent advice and tips.
In summary, the experience of shopping at Costco with a large family is both chaotic and entertaining. We embrace the curious gazes and questions with humor and grace, and we invite you to share in the fun—just remember to dress the part!
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