Being a parent is so much more than just mending scraped knees and dealing with unexpected milk spills. It’s like being part of the greatest experiment in trial and error the universe has ever seen. When you find something that works, you cling to it like it’s a rare treasure. You celebrate it, leaping over mountains of laundry, doing a little victory dance, and exclaiming, “Yes, it works!” But just as quickly, you realize that moment of triumph was fleeting, and soon enough, you’re back to the drawing board.
Then, you decide to have another child, and you feel fully equipped for the challenge. You think you’ve unlocked the secrets of parenting—like a level 10 wizard ready to conquer any obstacle. But, lo and behold, your new child has different plans, rendering your past wisdom utterly useless. It’s like trying to invent a new wheel every single day.
Right now, I find myself in the thick of this battle. My first son finally mastered the art of potty training, and I thought I had it all figured out. I taught him to wipe, and let’s just say that left me with some rather interesting laundry days. I mean, it wasn’t interesting at all, it was downright gross. But once you hand that responsibility over to them, taking it back feels like walking a tightrope—impossible. So, I would quietly scrub out the evidence of his wiping shortcomings while offering a gentle refresher course every few weeks.
Clearly, that strategy fell flat. So, I decided to switch things up when my second son began his potty training journey. I figured, “I’ll just help him wipe until he gets the hang of it.” Sounded simple enough, right? After all, I’ve been wiping his behind since day one. Just a few more months couldn’t hurt. But here we are, two years later, and I’m still the designated butt wiper. And let me tell you, I’m over it.
Now, you might be wondering, “Doesn’t he use the restroom at school?” Nope! He hasn’t taken a poop anywhere but home for almost three years. The last time I traveled for a mere 48 hours, he held it in until I returned. No kidding.
Finally, I decided it was time for a serious chat.
Me: “Hey buddy, how about you give wiping your own butt a shot?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “It’s super easy! I’ll even show you.”
Him: “No.”
Clearly, my gentle approach wasn’t cutting it. Time to switch gears.
Me: “Don’t you want to be a big boy and wipe your own butt?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Think of all the privacy and freedom you could have!”
Him: “No.”
You know when something’s just not working, and this whole passive mom routine wasn’t doing the trick. I finally snapped a little.
Me: “Listen, I’m done with this. You’re in pre-K now; it’s time to step up. You need to learn!”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Okay, no more discussion. From now on, you’re on your own. Got it?”
Him: “No.”
And guess what? It’s been three days since he’s pooped. So, in a way, this is working out quite well for me!
If you’re intrigued by more parenting tales, check out our other posts at Home Insemination Kit for a blend of humor and real-life stories. And for those diving into the realm of artificial insemination, Make A Mom is a fantastic resource. Plus, for any pregnancy-related queries, News Medical is an excellent place to start.
In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with unexpected turns, especially when it comes to the art of butt wiping. Each child is a unique puzzle, and what worked for the first may flop for the second. As I navigate this chaotic journey, I’m learning that sometimes, you just have to let go and hope for the best.