Hey there, sweetheart.
I want to start with a simple but heavy word: I’m sorry. I wish I could express it in a million different ways, but I find myself saying it every day for a million little reasons—like when you tumble down the slide at the playground or when I forget to bring your favorite toy. I apologize for so many things daily, yet beneath each casual “I’m sorry,” there’s something bigger. I’m sorry that it’s just me here to wrap you in hugs. I’m sorry for the way life has changed.
You deserve so much more than this. You should be able to experience the classic family setup we see on our outings—mom, dad, and child—three pieces of a balanced puzzle. Instead, we’re navigating this new reality on just two legs, and it feels like we could tip over at any moment.
While I’ve been working through my own challenges, the hardest part is fading away, like a scar transforming from angry red to a soft silver. What once felt like losses are now doors to new beginnings. Yet, for you, some of these losses will linger throughout your life. No matter which parent you’re with, there will always be a piece of your heart yearning for the other, and that stings.
I can’t shake the thought that you’re the one who loses the most in all of this. That realization makes it hard to breathe, and I find myself tearing up often. Just a few weeks back, as we strolled to the park hand in hand, your innocent question about where your siblings were hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t know how to explain that you may not have full siblings or that another baby just like you might not come along.
Every day, I practice letting go of the future I imagined for us, allowing those dreams to slip through my fingers like sand. I want to help you find strength in these unfulfilled hopes, to accept the things that you might not even know you’re missing yet. As you grow and start to notice the world, I’ll have to sharpen my skills at answering your tough questions about siblings, living in two homes, and why we don’t share the same address.
You, my love, are a ray of sunshine. Your laughter brightens my days, and your kindness is unmatched. You make friends in mere minutes and declare them your “best friend!” It reassures me that you’ll be okay—you’re strong and loved, and you know it. There are greater challenges out there than our situation. Sadly, you won’t be the only one in your circle with parents who have chosen different paths.
It’s not that our story is especially unique; it’s just surprising that it turned out to be ours. When I held you for the first time, I never imagined this would be your reality.
In those quiet moments when you snuggle into me at bedtime, or when I pack your bag for time between homes, I feel the weight of your confusion. You ask if I can come along, and I can see the question in your eyes: “Why not?” I wish I could take away that uncertainty.
I can never apologize enough for the sadness you might feel, even if you can’t fully grasp it yet. I say it often, but it always feels insufficient—I’m so, so sorry.
I hold onto the hope that we can be strong, even when we’re apart. I want our family to stand tall on three legs—albeit a little more spread out than usual. I hope this never feels like less to you. I want us to be more than just the sum of our parts.
One day, I hope I can stop filling this space with apologies. I aspire for goodbyes to become less painful, for this situation to feel normal—not like a patchwork family thrown together in haste.
I wish for you to have siblings who bring their own mix of love and chaos into your life, but if that doesn’t happen, I know you can create your own family from friends, cousins, and the delightful band of quirky aunts and uncles.
You’re doing just fine, little one. I whisper this as I rub your back during those restless nights. I feel your breath steady, and I watch the soft glow of the nightlight dance on your cheeks and tousled hair.
I’m sorry… I hope… you’re okay…
Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. For more about navigating family dynamics, check out this resource on fertility insurance. And if you’re exploring ways to expand your family, this link can guide you through home insemination options. You can also read more about family building at this blog post.
In summary, I want you to know that our love remains strong, even amidst change. You are the heart of our little family, and I believe we can create something beautiful together, no matter the circumstances.