(Note: My son, Jake, gave me the go-ahead to share our story.)
There’s a noticeable uptick in the diagnoses of Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD), and this rise can often be attributed to various non-medical factors. Some schools may pressure parents to pursue diagnoses to boost their test scores, while others suggest that pharmaceutical companies are encouraging doctors to prescribe medications to children who may just be a little impatient or rowdy. Dietary habits, particularly sugar consumption, have been blamed too, although studies haven’t conclusively linked food additives or sugar as significant culprits. While these claims may hold some truth in certain cases, it doesn’t negate the reality that many children genuinely suffer from ADD/ADHD and require medication for management. One of the most frustrating aspects for parents of these children is the tendency for blame to fall on them for their child’s learning struggles.
Jake was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 8 following a recommendation from his teacher. While I had hoped his lack of focus was simply a sign of immaturity, it became clear that something more was at play. He wasn’t a troublemaker; he didn’t disrupt his class or cause chaos at home. Instead, he was a fidgety and easily distracted boy, finding calm only in front of a screen—be it a TV or video game console—traits often seen in children with ADD. His intelligence was overshadowed by his ADD, resulting in schoolwork that was below the expectations we had for him. He was placed on a 504 Plan for additional support, but implementing it proved challenging, often requiring me to step into full-on mama bear mode to ensure he received what he needed.
No parent relishes the idea of medicating their child. The decision to start Jake on medication was not made lightly, but witnessing the positive impact it had on him was a huge relief. However, contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t a magic potion that transformed him overnight from a distracted student to an exceptionally focused one. While it certainly helped, it took years of dedicated parenting and his own growth for him to fully align his motivation with his capabilities, with or without medication.
Managing Jake’s medication throughout his childhood and teenage years was a continual challenge. We faced trials with dosages—at times he was over-medicated and seemed a bit zombie-like, requiring us to dial it back. As he grew into adolescence, adjustments were necessary yet again. One particularly regrettable moment occurred during his junior year of high school when we sought guidance from a new psychiatrist who drastically reduced his dosage by nearly 80 percent. His grades and behavior plummeted, and I still beat myself up over that choice. It was a harsh lesson in trusting our instincts.
I firmly believe that Jake was accurately diagnosed with ADD. Was his diet perfect? Definitely not. Were we as strict as we could have been? Perhaps not. But it became evident that it wasn’t merely a matter of “calming down.” When he was on his medication, there was a noticeable calmness and stability in him. Would it have been wiser to avoid medication altogether and let him be his fidgety self? Should I have embarked on a lengthy experiment with dietary restrictions to determine the root cause of his behavior?
Ultimately, we decided that we didn’t want to waste precious time improving his quality of life by first subjecting him to unnecessary struggles. ADD isn’t simply a behavioral or learning challenge; it extends into all aspects of life.
As Jake matured, the most profound change came from his own growth. Now at 21 and on the verge of graduating college, he successfully manages his ADD. He knows when he needs to take his medication—mostly for school—and when it’s okay to skip it. He consults a mental health specialist monthly for his prescription, rather than relying on a general practitioner, which is crucial. He has become a diligent student, leveraging the support systems available at his university to help him thrive. Whether he will continue with medication as an adult is still uncertain, but the choice is now his to make.
To those who dismiss ADD/ADHD as nonexistent or attribute it to lazy parenting, undisciplined behavior, or external factors like fast food or video games, I ask you this: If your child faced a health issue—say asthma or allergies—would you choose to medicate them or wait to see if some lifestyle changes could remedy the situation? Wouldn’t you want to ensure they have the best chance at success, health, and happiness? Would you want to experiment on your child while they navigate a treatable disorder? We didn’t.
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Summary
Jake’s journey with ADD has been filled with challenges, but with the right diagnosis, treatment, and support, he has flourished. Medication played a pivotal role, but it was his own growth and maturity that led to his ultimate success. Parents facing similar dilemmas must weigh their options carefully, ensuring they give their children the best chance at a happy and fulfilling life.