Yesterday, I shot a text to my daughter, Lily, who just turned 21. She’s spending her summer at college, diving into an internship she worked tirelessly to land. “I’m so thrilled for you!” I typed, trying to convey my excitement through the screen.
“Why?” she replied, genuinely curious.
Good question, I thought. This is a pivotal moment in her life. She’s a college senior, about to graduate in under a year, and she’s busy mapping out her future. Next week, she’ll tackle the GREs, and she’s carefully considering which grad schools to apply to, as well as the cities she might want to call home and the careers she might pursue.
From my cozy, semi-empty nest in the suburbs at 47, it all sounds so exciting and glamorous. But I can’t help but wonder if she views it the same way. For her, it could feel like a dizzying whirlwind—maybe even overwhelming. I don’t think we can truly grasp the magnitude of our 20s until we hit our 40s. Back in my 20s, life felt more like a routine than an adventure. I graduated college and landed a job shortly after, but I despised that position and left within a year. That same year, I met my husband and dove headfirst into family life.
In my 20s, I became a mother of two, bought a house and a minivan, and transitioned from a full-time career woman to a full-time stay-at-home mom. My 20s were indeed a time of transformation, but I failed to recognize it then. I want Lily to see and appreciate the potential of this pivotal decade. She’s standing on the edge of a cliff she’s built herself—one that can lead her in countless directions. She has options: travel, graduate school, or starting her career. She can choose to live in any city she desires.
But with those choices come challenges. Financial independence looms ahead, and the safety net of college will vanish. She’ll be competing for jobs with a sea of qualified candidates, and sometimes, she won’t get the position she has her heart set on. Long workweeks and office politics will become part of her life, and unexpected job changes may catch her off guard.
She’ll face the reality of student loans and might find herself nursing her old car for a while longer than planned. Relationships can be a rollercoaster—she might fall in love and experience heartbreak multiple times before finding the right partner. And when that love does come, she’ll have to navigate the complex world of in-laws and family obligations.
Or what if the right partner doesn’t appear? While her friends pair off and settle down, she might find herself as the perpetual bridesmaid, never quite making it to the altar. Even if she saves up for her first home, she’ll soon learn that homeownership comes with its own set of expenses—like replacing a furnace at the worst possible moment.
Yet, despite all this, I want her to focus on the wonderful opportunities ahead: the excitement of grad school, the thrill of a new city, the joy of a meaningful job, and the possibility of finding love that lasts. She’ll build friendships that will endure, savor the freedom of making her own choices, and tackle challenges head-on. And let’s not forget the simple pleasures: brunch at her favorite café, a great movie night, or a weekend getaway. Maybe a kind boss will recognize her hard work and offer her a promotion.
Looking back, I often wonder why I didn’t realize how powerful my 20s were—the decisions I made then still resonate today. Each choice connected to another, shaping the life I live now. I want to tell Lily: Embrace your 20s! Don’t shy away from the unknown. Be aware of the journey ahead, and above all, have a blast!
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Summary:
As my daughter Lily embarks on her 20s, I reflect on my own experiences during that transformative decade. While she faces exciting opportunities, she will also encounter challenges and uncertainties. I hope she embraces this time with awareness and joy, understanding the impact her choices will have on her future.