Jamie was caught in a deep slumber when Alex walked in. It was 2 p.m. on a Saturday, and Jamie was meant to be tackling the laundry pile.
“What on earth?” Alex exclaimed. “How come you get to nap?”
“I’m not napping,” Jamie replied, trying to sound witty, but the pillow muffled the words. “I just kind of… fell over. But then I realized how cozy it was, so I stayed.”
Alex didn’t find it amusing. “I want a nap,” Alex said, with a tone that made it clear this was not up for debate.
“Then go for it!” Jamie suggested, still half-buried in the pillow.
“We don’t have time for naps,” Alex emphasized the “we.” “Jayden has a soccer game in 20 minutes, and after that, we need to grab some dirt for the backyard before the nursery closes.”
With that, Alex left the room, and guilt washed over Jamie. With three kids under 9, getting them to sleep for even five hours felt like trying to herd cats. Sure, it happens occasionally, but usually, one child wakes up thirsty, while another has a nightmare. Then there’s little Mia, the one-year-old. She’s the ultimate party crasher, staying up late and rising early, making mornings a caffeine-fueled struggle.
Our days are a whirlwind too. Jamie works full-time, while Alex balances being a stay-at-home parent and part-time student. Between household chores and kids’ activities, there’s rarely a moment to breathe, let alone nap.
This hectic lifestyle has turned sleep into a coveted luxury—a black market commodity in our marriage. It’s almost like a barter system: if you get a nap, you owe a favor in return. When asked what they want for their birthdays, both Jamie and Alex would say, “Sleep.”
Sure, they could toss their responsibilities aside and indulge in some rest, but that’s simply not feasible. Parenting is relentless—kids are always in need of something, and the chaos makes it hard to find a moment of peace. Plus, with their oldest old enough to babysit, Jamie still doesn’t trust him with the little ones.
Naps can only happen when one parent manages all three kids while the other sneaks in some shut-eye. That means the parent supervising the kids—doing the dishes or folding laundry—feels a twinge of resentment when they think about the other snoozing away.
That is, unless there’s a trade involved. Just the weekend before the laundry debacle, Jamie was in the yard weeding when Alex approached, bleary-eyed from a long night with Mia. “If you let me take a nap,” Alex proposed, “we can have some fun later.”
They bartered back and forth. Would the fun occur before or after the nap? They settled on after the kids were tucked in for the night. Once they shook hands, Jamie felt good about letting Alex rest. In the past, a new pair of shoes or an offer to clean the bathroom for some extra rest had also been well-received. But now, unless one of them was sick, naps had become a traded commodity.
So when Alex found Jamie snoozing without a prior arrangement, frustration bubbled up. And honestly, if the roles were reversed, Jamie would’ve felt the same way. It’s sad that they’ve come to expect this give-and-take dynamic around sleep; Jamie felt like a thief for taking a nap without a deal.
“I’m sorry. What do you need?” Jamie asked as they walked into the kitchen, where Alex was washing dishes.
“What do you mean what do I need?” Alex replied, adjusting their glasses. “You know what I want. I want a nap. I want some sleep.”
“It’s been a long week,” Jamie responded, “I had those two 14-hour workdays.”
“When you’re working 14 hours, I’m working too,” Alex said. “I don’t get a break until you’re home.”
That hit Jamie hard. Parenting is a two-person job, and they both love their kids deeply, but it can feel overwhelming. Without nearby family to help, it’s easy to burn out.
“Okay, I see your point. Let’s figure something out,” Jamie said, feeling cooperative.
They ended up negotiating a plan. Alex could take a nap while Jamie took the kids to the soccer game. When Jamie returned, they could switch roles, with Jamie catching some Zs while Alex took the kids to the store. It wouldn’t be a walk in the park—taking three kids to a soccer game sounded like a circus, and Alex probably dreaded the grocery store trip just as much. But the promise of a nap made the hassle worth it.
After sealing the agreement with a handshake, Alex smiled and said, “It’s been nice doing business with you.”
“Right back at you,” Jamie replied.
In the end, the relentless demands of parenting can make sleep feel like a rare and precious currency, one that needs to be negotiated and valued. If you’re looking for more insights on navigating the complexities of parenting and relationships, you might find this post helpful: Intracervical Insemination. And if you want to dive deeper into home insemination, check out BabyMaker for expert advice. Additionally, Kindbody offers fantastic resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, sleep is an essential yet often overlooked aspect of marriage, especially when children are involved. Finding a balance and making time for each other’s needs is crucial for maintaining harmony in a relationship.