Who knew I was such a parenting disaster? I mean, I think my kids are turning out pretty great. They earn good grades, have delightful personalities, treat their siblings well, and are respectful to others. Honestly, I believe I have a solid chance of raising them into well-adjusted adults. I strive to hold onto that belief each day, but then I scroll through my social media feed and start doubting my skills as a parent.
How could I not? My feed is packed with posts from seemingly perfect parents, alarming news about children, and a myriad of opinions from all sides—social commentators, medical experts, educators, and maybe even your eccentric aunt. Toss in the sanctimonious parents, the overprotective ones, the free-range advocates, and the millennials, and it’s like a never-ending buffet of parenting advice that can leave anyone feeling inadequate. Each opinion seems more extreme than the last, making it hard to muster the courage to face another day of parenting. If I took all this advice to heart, I’d think I was ruining my kids. And if I were a new mom in my 20s? I can’t even imagine how daunting it would be to navigate parenting today.
So, who’s actually doing it right? Based on a week’s worth of social media posts and comments, here are just a few ways you might be “failing” at parenting:
- Had a C-section? You must’ve given up on a natural birth. That’s just the easy way out.
- Opted for a drug-free hospital birth? You’re shaming moms who needed pain relief. Let’s not turn this into a contest of strength.
- Went for a medicated birth? Seriously? You couldn’t handle a few contractions?
- Had a home birth? Wow, risky choice. Thank goodness you and your baby are okay.
- Breastfed? Congratulations on being a lactivist and making others feel bad for not being able to do the same.
- Formula fed? You quit too soon. It’s not that complicated!
- Both breastfed and formula fed? Couldn’t pick one? You should’ve just committed to one.
- Co-slept with your baby? You’re risking their future development. Cribs are for babies!
- Used a crib? That’s sad. You don’t want your baby close to you all the time?
- Chose disposable diapers? You must hate the environment and your baby’s skin!
- Used cloth diapers? Really? Scraping poop off fabric? Yuck.
- Made homemade baby food? Who has the time? Jarred food is just fine.
- Bought baby food? Seriously, you can’t find the time to make your own?
- Potty trained after age three? Way too late! 18 months is the goal.
- Potty trained at 18 months? That’s too early. Let them train when they’re ready!
- Sent kids to public school? You’re okay with them mingling with kids who don’t care about education?
- Chose private school? You must be one of those elitists or religious fanatics.
- Homeschooling? Why would you want to spend all day with your kids? Sounds like a recipe for social awkwardness.
- Daughters in dresses and playing with dolls? You’re reinforcing gender stereotypes!
- Letting boys play with toy guns? That’s just dangerous. They should focus on non-violent, gender-neutral toys.
- Son in sports? You’re encouraging traditional gender roles. He should try cooking or sewing!
- Daughter loves arts and crafts? You’re setting her up to be a stereotypical housewife. She should kickbox instead!
- Telling your daughter she’s pretty? No, that’s not okay! Don’t limit her identity.
- Not telling her she’s pretty? Well, now she might seek validation from the wrong places.
- Letting your son cry? No way! Boys shouldn’t show emotion.
- Telling him not to cry? That’s why we’re raising emotionally stunted men.
- Sleepovers? Absolutely not! You’re risking their safety.
- Not allowing sleepovers? You’re being too paranoid. Let them enjoy childhood!
- Letting teens swear? That’s just bad parenting. You’re not their friend!
- Not allowing swearing? Teens need to express themselves freely—let it fly!
- Let your daughter date at 16? What a mistake! Side hugs only!
- Not letting her date until 18? That’s too late! She needs practice!
- Letting her dress provocatively? She’s just asking for trouble.
- Making her dress modestly? Wow, you think all men are predators, huh?
- Working full-time? You’re abandoning your children. They need you home!
- Staying home with the kids? You’re setting a bad example. What do you even do all day?
What I truly wish for, and know is possible, is that we support each other as mothers. Even if you don’t parent like I do, or think some choices are downright crazy—let’s hold back judgment. Simply saying, “I may not agree, but I support your choices for your family,” can go a long way. Remember, you’re not failing as a parent.
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Summary: Social media can be a minefield for parents, filled with unsolicited advice and judgment. From birth choices to schooling decisions, it often feels like there’s no winning. However, the key takeaway is the importance of supporting one another as we navigate the challenges of parenting, irrespective of differing methods.