Hey there! I’m a mom to an energetic 3-year-old named Leo, and I’m also a military spouse. With my second child due this September, life is about to get even busier. Oh, and did I mention I have a rare form of dwarfism called diastrophic dysplasia? At just a hair under 5 feet tall, I’m almost the same height as my son!
I’ve never let my disability define me. In fact, I took a bold step at 15 and opted for limb lengthening surgery to gain more independence. The doctors said I’d only get 3 extra inches, but I ended up growing a whopping 14 inches! Now, instead of standing at 3 feet 5 inches, I proudly measure 4 feet 10 inches.
Many people assume that having children is off the table for those with diastrophic dysplasia. My sister-in-law, bless her heart, offered to be my surrogate before my husband, Alex, and I could even discuss our options. But when Alex returned from a year-long deployment, we realized that starting a family was indeed possible. Leo was born weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces—far exceeding the 3-pound goal the doctors had set for me!
Every time Leo and I step out in public, I can feel the stares. People seem to wonder, “How does she manage it all?” I can only imagine that some would jump at the chance to peek inside my life. So, in the spirit of curiosity, I thought I’d address a few common questions about parenting with a disability that people might be too shy to ask.
Wait, He’s Yours? How Did That Happen?
Once, a neighbor asked me who the little boy I was babysitting was. I had to spend a good five minutes convincing him that Leo was indeed my son! This made me reflect—why was it so hard to believe? It dawned on me that he wasn’t being rude; he was just baffled. Honestly, I often wonder how I managed to have a child despite my challenges. The truth is, I’m not sure! I needed help with basic tasks, struggled to breathe at times, and even had to wear a heart monitor.
When a fully capable friend of mine shared her struggles during pregnancy—heartburn, back pain, and all that jazz—I realized that every pregnancy has its hurdles, disability or not. Maybe we should all ask ourselves, “How do we do it?” because being a parent is an incredible feat. And once we recognize our own awesomeness, we deserve to treat ourselves to something nice—maybe a new pair of shoes or a fancy cocktail!
How Do You Discipline a Child Who’s More Agile Than You?
By the time Leo was 9 months old, he was practically running. Now at 2 years, he can reach places I can’t! His speed and agility can be a challenge when it comes to discipline. Luckily, I have one advantage—my clever brain.
Leo hates being ignored and loves to please. When I walk away from his antics, he suddenly stops and reevaluates the situation. I’ve learned to understand his motivations and respond accordingly. My husband, a fitness buff, often gets winded trying to keep up with our little guy. I love telling him, “It’s brains over brawn, my friend!”
What Fears Do You Face as a Mom with a Disability?
Honestly, this question is tough for me. I’ve got a laundry list of worries. Am I giving Leo enough opportunities? What if he runs away? What if he falls and hurts himself? Or worse, what if I ever have to confront his mortality? These fears aren’t unique to my disability; they’re just part of motherhood.
One day, when Leo figured out how to manipulate the front door, I realized I’d left it unlocked. My heart raced as I saw him halfway down the driveway. Thankfully, my neighbor saw and jumped into action. In that moment, we were united by instinct, not divided by blame. The bottom line is that all moms worry, learn from their experiences, and prepare for whatever comes next.
Does Leo Notice Your Disability?
When we go out, I sometimes use a wheelchair, and without fail, Leo will push his dad aside to take over. It makes me wonder if he helps because he sees his dad do it or if he genuinely notices my differences. Right now, I’m not sure. What I do know is that as long as I engage with him, he’s a happy little camper.
I was raised to believe that differences are only as big as we make them. So, if Leo sees me navigating life differently, I hope to teach him that my disability doesn’t define my capabilities.
Oh My God, I’m So Sorry My Child Asked That!
During Leo’s swimming lesson, a little girl asked her mom, “Why is she so small?” I also overheard a kid ask a cashier about her missing teeth. The parents were mortified! But here’s the thing: kids are naturally curious. They’re trying to make sense of the world around them, and we, as adults, shouldn’t take it personally.
I assured the mom that it was a great question and simply explained, “I’m small because my bones don’t grow.” Kids thrive on learning and exploring differences. Sure, their questions can be random and unfiltered, but they come from a genuine place.
As Leo grows, I expect there will be more questions and puzzled looks. But every question is an opportunity for me to share my perspective on motherhood. There’s no manual for parenting, especially when it comes to doing so with a disability. Each moment is about adapting and overcoming—something that unites all of us in this wild journey called parenthood.
Summary:
Navigating the world of parenting with a disability presents its own set of challenges and triumphs. From confronting misconceptions about motherhood to addressing the unique dynamics of discipline, every experience shapes the way I engage with my child. Curiosity from others can lead to insightful conversations about differences, and through it all, the bond I share with my son remains the heart of my journey.