As a devoted night owl, I’ve always felt more alive when the clock strikes midnight. My internal clock is set about three hours later than what’s socially acceptable, meaning I typically crawl into bed around 2 a.m. and emerge around 10 a.m. Back in my single days, I managed a schedule that suited my rhythm, but kids? They’re not fans of sleeping in. I’ve chatted with many fellow parents who, before kids, were blissfully unaware of what 7 a.m. looked like. Here are 18 things that ‘Night Owl’ parents can totally relate to:
- If you’re fortunate, you’ve partnered with an early riser who can help split the nighttime duties—night owl handles the last feeding while the early bird takes the first.
- If you’re not so lucky, you’ve got another night owl for a spouse. Both of you will be wide awake during the 2 a.m. feeding, grumbling at one another, “You should really be the one getting up with her in the morning.”
- You’ll likely invest a small fortune—around $9,000—on child-proofing gear to transform your living room into a padded fortress. This way, you can catch some Z’s on the couch while the little one plays at 6 a.m. Sure, you might only doze off for 30 seconds at a time, but hey, it’s better than nothing until you get a Lego stuck in your mouth.
- At 2 a.m., as you scroll through the Internet, you find yourself yelling internally, “For the love of all that is holy, go to sleep!”
- Yet, those late-night hours hold a special charm. You’re the only soul awake, free to connect with distant friends, or lose yourself in the nostalgic comfort of shows like “Mork and Mindy.”
- When it’s your partner’s turn to sleep in, and he casually suggests you bring him a coffee in bed, you might just end up spilling the lukewarm brew on him as you hand it over.
- You often play a game of “would you rather” with yourself: Would you prefer being woken three times a night but then have everyone sleep until 8 a.m., or enjoy a solid eight hours of sleep but rise at 5:30? Spoiler: it doesn’t matter because who can actually fall asleep before 9:30?
- School starts way too early for your liking.
- You wonder about those mothers with perfectly styled hair and fresh faces. Where are their yoga pants and flip-flops?
- When the parent-teacher conference signup sheet rolls out with slots from 7:05 to 8:10 a.m., you can’t help but scribble, “LOL WHO CARES WHAT YOU SAY!?” on it.
- After a rare night out with old friends, you’ll think as you stumble home at 2 a.m., “Why don’t I do this more often? It’s so refreshing!” until the early morning wail for breakfast jolts you awake.
- If it’s your spouse’s turn to wake up with the baby and he sleeps through her cries, you might consider this a valid reason for divorce.
- The most brutal mornings are when the kids wake you up on a day that’s not your turn.
- You become fixated on whose turn it is to handle the little ones in the morning.
- You daydream about having your own space where you can wake up at your leisure, sipping nine cups of coffee. A mother-in-law suite would suffice, or even just a tiny room where no one can toss Cheerios on your forehead while you sleep. Honestly, you’d settle for a closet with a blow-up mattress if it meant some peace in the mornings.
- You realize that being jolted awake feels like a carefree fish in a sunny stream, suddenly hooked and dragged into a chaotic, cold world of noise.
- You find yourself crafting all sorts of metaphors to describe the jarring experience of waking up too early.
- And you ponder, at what age can your child start making breakfast for themselves? Five? Six? If they burn themselves, well, kids heal fast, right?
At this stage, my sleep cycle is totally out of whack; I sometimes wake before my kids, which I never wanted. But this can’t last forever, right? Someday they’ll be able to dress themselves and get off to school, and then I’ll need to find a job—preferably one that starts later in the day.
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Summary: Night owl parents navigate a world designed for early risers, often trading sleep for moments of solitude and late-night adventures. They share the unique challenges of parenting at odd hours, creating a humorous yet relatable picture of their daily lives while dreaming of a little peace and quiet.