For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with self-worth. As a kid, I was incredibly shy, introverted, and quite self-conscious about my appearance. You’d often catch me in the summer wearing long jeans and oversized sweaters, desperately trying to hide away. I constantly put myself down and felt insecure as a young girl.
But as I matured, I discovered a way to cope with my feelings about myself. I recall one particular day at summer camp when I was walking alone, and a group of boys teased me by calling me ugly. Instead of shrinking away, I smiled and responded, “I know, right?” Their laughter felt like a victory. I had unlocked a strategy: using humor to deflect attention and shyness by poking fun at myself. While it was initially a hit, deep down, I was slowly damaging my self-esteem. Those jokes began to seep into my soul, causing more harm than good. Let me tell you, self-deprecating humor isn’t always a friend.
Fast forward to now, I have a bright 13-year-old daughter, Lily, who faces the same challenges I once did. Despite her intelligence, creativity, and budding feminist spirit, her self-esteem seems to be at an all-time low. I can’t help but feel responsible.
Unbeknownst to me, my daughter has been quietly absorbing how I treat myself. Do I speak kindly to myself or do I criticize myself whenever I stumble, feel bloated, or make a mistake? Unfortunately, it’s the latter. The unintended message I’ve been sending is that it’s okay to be negative about ourselves—something that seems to come naturally as women.
While I strive to instill healthy views on body image in Lily, I realize that my behavior sends mixed signals. She’s learning to be critical of her body by overhearing me speak poorly of my own. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but much of what our daughters internalize comes from observing us.
I’ve been a hypocrite. How can I expect her to embrace herself when I’m doing the opposite? The harsh truth? I didn’t even recognize the impact my words had on her until she brought it to my attention—a much-needed wake-up call for me.
I’m dedicated to being a better role model and an inspiration for Lily. I must be mindful of my self-talk because I can be my own worst critic.
Here are some things I want my daughter to remember:
- Embrace Confidence: True power comes from knowing who you are and recognizing your strengths.
- Be Yourself: Authenticity is your superpower.
- Support Other Women: Lift each other up and champion women-led initiatives.
- Limit Media Consumption: Turn off the TV and social media; instead, engage with movements that counteract negative media influences.
- Question Unrealistic Standards: Remember that photoshopped images create false expectations—always view media with a critical eye.
- Stay Informed: Knowledge is power, so keep learning.
- Avoid Gossip: Criticizing others won’t elevate you; it only diminishes your own self-worth.
- Live Authentically: Following your own path empowers others to do the same.
- Speak Out: Silence is not our friend; your voice matters.
- Surround Yourself with Positivity: Seek out mentors and role models to broaden your horizons.
Most importantly, know that I love you deeply and believe in your potential to achieve great things.
Interestingly, as I share these aspirations for my daughter, they resonate with me, too. Hopefully, together we can inspire each other to embrace these truths.
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In summary, I want my daughter to develop a healthy self-image and confidence that I struggled with for years. By being mindful of my own words and actions, I hope to model the positivity and self-love I want her to embody.