As a mom for over 15 years, the most common unsolicited advice I’ve received is the dreaded “just wait.” My friends with tweens and teens would see me enjoying life with my little ones and warn me, “They’re so sweet now, just wait.” Their warnings often revolved around the universal teenage pitfalls that I, too, had experienced. “Just wait until they…” start talking back, hide their grades, lie, slam doors, or even call you the worst parent ever. The thought of my children morphing into mini monsters horrified me, but since I had my own rebellious phase (and my spouse, according to his mom, was once crowned the King of Teenage Trouble), I reluctantly accepted that this was part of growing up.
As my kids transitioned into their teenage years, and still showed no signs of this so-called inevitable rebellion, the warnings grew louder and more intense. The loudest voices were often from parents of unruly or disconnected teens. They would shout from the rooftops, insisting that my well-adjusted 2nd and 5th graders were destined to become the next Traci Lords or Lyle Menendez. “Just you wait! When they hit middle school, they’ll…” sneak out, get suspended for bullying, dabble in drugs, get arrested, insist on wearing only thongs, or engage in inappropriate behavior in the back of a school bus. WHAT. THE. HECK!?
I realized that many of these parents seemed to feel better about their kids’ misbehavior by projecting it onto others, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for those teens. How could kids be expected to make sound decisions when their parents anticipated failure? What kind of self-worth would they possess knowing that their own parents shared their missteps as cautionary tales online?
I refused to accept that a certain age would magically transform my child into a nightmare. I was exhausted from being told to brace myself for the worst, based on the behaviors of a select group of children reacting to their unique upbringings. We are not all the same. Our kids are not all the same.
Take my kids as an example: they are now teenagers and haven’t devolved into misguided rebels. Please stop trying to make me feel like the other shoe is about to drop—and that if it doesn’t, something is wrong with my child. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard parents say, “I’d rather my kid be the bully than the socially awkward nerd.” It’s not a binary choice!
Let’s end the stereotype that all teenagers must be angst-filled and uncommunicative. Not only are we parents holding our breath for those tough times, but we’re also embedding these negative ideas into our children’s minds. Teens should feel comfortable having a healthy relationship with their parents, and we shouldn’t feel odd about being close to them. Who else are they supposed to turn to?
Stop telling me to abandon the idea of being both my child’s friend and parent. These roles are not mutually exclusive! It’s entirely possible to enjoy spending time with my kids while also guiding them.
I’m done waiting for the worst to happen. I choose to be kind, open, and honest with my teenagers, and they have reciprocated that respect. I offer them sound advice, alert them when they’re about to trip up, and teach them about consequences. I genuinely laugh at their jokes and listen to their intricate stories about school life, friends, and their favorite YouTubers. I keep their secrets and nurture their dreams.
They have been my best friends since day one, and I have every reason to believe that we will maintain that bond for life. Just you wait!
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Summary
The article emphasizes that not all teenagers are destined for rebellion, countering common stereotypes about teen behavior. The author shares personal experiences as a parent, advocating for open, healthy relationships with teens and rejecting the notion that all teenagers must be angsty or disconnected.