If I’m being honest, I’d rather wait until my kids are tucked in bed and my partner is home from work—after a long day of parenting, working, and cleaning—than drag my little ones to the grocery store. Sure, I understand that many families do this out of necessity and that there are Pinterest tutorials on turning shopping trips into educational adventures about nutrition and math. But you know what? I’m just not feeling it today.
Grocery shopping used to feel like a mini-vacation. I’d step through the automatic doors, leaving my chaotic day behind, and enter a cool, calm paradise filled with all my favorite foods. It was bliss! I’d stroll down the aisles, humming along to the music playing overhead, making plans for delicious meals. I didn’t have to converse with anyone, but when I did, it was simple and pleasant, like helping an elderly shopper reach for something high or thanking the bagger for keeping my items organized. It was relaxing, refreshing—something I genuinely looked forward to.
Then came the kids. Those adorable but loud little beings that seem to multiply their volume the moment they step foot in a grocery store. When they were toddlers, well, let’s just say I’d rather not relive the chaos of them running in opposite directions or needing a bathroom break while I was juggling a sleeping baby in the cart.
Fast forward to today, and something strange happens when my kids realize we’re going grocery shopping. They transform into these irrational little creatures, clinging to me like barnacles. It’s not just my kids; I’ve seen it happen to other perfectly good kids too. It’s like a bad spell has been cast, and it’s beyond frustrating.
So, I’m waving the white flag. I love my kids too much to spend my grocery runs feeling like a drill sergeant. Here are some of the reasons why I’ve decided to grocery shop solo from now on:
- My trunk is already filled with 37 of their “art projects” and a hefty bag of toys I snuck out, so I can’t risk their intervention during my cleaning spree.
- I’d prefer not to hear suggestions for ice cream, puppies, and popsicles while I’m trying to concentrate on the road.
- Leaving the radio on would be a treat if I didn’t have to answer questions like, “Mama, what does ‘tap dat ass’ mean?”
- I’d rather not have to scrub the evidence of my kid swinging the car door open and hitting the car next to us—she just doesn’t get it!
- The A/C is always too cold for my kids, yet they refuse to bring the long-sleeved shirts I told them to pack—let’s not have another I Told You So moment.
- They have a limited palate of about seven foods, yet they manage to request 23 different items in every aisle.
- I’m not a fan of those mini carts they push—my Achilles tendon is not in the mood for that kind of drama.
- Don’t even get me started on those germ-infested car-shaped carts! I’d rather avoid the risk of bringing home something nasty.
- It’s exhausting to shout, “I SAID STAY TO THE RIGHT!” in my best fake-nice voice a million times.
- Handing over all the sneaky snacks they’ve stashed in the cart to the cashier? No thanks.
- Those precariously stacked items seem to be calling my kids’ names—seriously, they’re everywhere!
- I apologize to fewer people when it’s just me, compared to when the kids are careening down the aisles.
- Nineties muzak is my jam, and I want to dance without an audience, thank you very much.
- Explaining the circle of life at the live lobster tank is not something I want to do again—my patience is wearing thin!
- Buying cookies that I want to hide from the kids is much easier when they’re not tagging along.
- I don’t need to hear how vegetables taste like butt today; I’m buying them anyway, regardless of the commentary.
- I dread the candy-free checkout lines and the inevitable, “PLEAAAAASE?” that might drive me mad.
So if you spot me late one night at the local supermarket in my pajamas, happily grooving to a synthesized version of my favorite hits while tossing fresh broccoli into my cart, you’ll understand my reasoning. I have a feeling I won’t be the only mom doing this!
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Summary
Grocery shopping with kids can turn a simple errand into a chaotic nightmare. From their ridiculous demands to their unpredictable behavior, I’ve decided to take my shopping trips solo. Sometimes, a little peace and quiet in the grocery store is worth more than an outing with the little ones.