It’s funny how you start feeling more at ease with yourself, even as the years seem to be working against that feeling. When you’re young and full of life, doubt and insecurity often cloud your mind. One of the perks of aging is that you learn to let some things go. —Helen Mirren
I think we all have that moment when we catch a glimpse of ourselves reflected in someone else’s eyes, and it stings a bit.
Every week, I join some younger coworkers for bar trivia. They want me on their team because I’m the go-to for random trivia about obscure gods, Pink Floyd lyrics, and even 70s adult film questions. We enjoy a few too many drinks, munch on fried pickles, and occasionally throw out made-up answers just to see how many people we can confuse. A few weeks back, one of the ladies forgot her wallet, so I covered her tab, playfully giving her a hard time as I handed my card to the waiter.
“It’s all good,” he said to her, “sometimes my mom has to bail me out too.”
Ouch. Yes, I am old enough to be her mother. And his too.
I was aware of this, but it still gnawed at me. It hit even harder after I recently shared a full-body photo online and openly stated my age.
I’m 47. Why did I do that? Now everyone will start appending “for her age” to their comments. “She looks good for her age.” “Can you believe she still wears that/takes those photos at her age?” “I hope I’m still that tech-savvy at her age.” Is “tech-savvy” the new term for douches?
And then there’s the dreaded menopause. Isn’t that the phase where you surrender everything? Your sex drive? Your beauty? Your energy? Your sanity? And then what? You just fade away? A quick Google search reveals:
10 Perks of Menopause
- No more periods!
- You’ll definitely be thrilled about that.
- No more buying feminine hygiene products.
- Yay!
- You can’t get pregnant!
- Yay!
- Seriously, no more periods!
- Bye-bye PMS!
- Seriously, no periods!
- YAY!
Another site champions women in their 50s as “the new face” of menopause, but every one of them has undergone some form of plastic surgery. That’s fine, but please don’t sell me the line that “50 is the new 30” while showcasing women striving to meet unrealistic beauty standards. Can’t we just celebrate 50 for being 50?
It won’t be a walk in the park, and I’m sure I’ll have my freak-out moments, perhaps even resembling something from Death Becomes Her. I grew up hearing some Oil of Olay model confidently declare, “I don’t intend to grow old gracefully; I intend to battle it every step of the way.”
They’re talking about face cream, not climbing Mount Everest. How empowering, right? It’s amusing how they wrap a faux-feminist twist around a ridiculous notion.
My perspective now, which is vastly different from when I was 30, is that we gain so much by focusing on our health, well-being, relationships—and absolutely nothing by pouring money into creams, cosmetics, injections, or surgeries to uphold a deceptive ideal. It’s a sure path to disappointment, set by cultural standards that have long been rigged against us.
But hey, don’t mind me. I’m just feeling sassy.
This post originally appeared on The Sisterwives.
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