When I found out I was expecting for the first time, I thought I had it all sorted out. I envisioned the kind of mother I would be, the nurturing environment I would create for my little one, and how I would maintain a blissful, easy-going lifestyle for my family. Oh, how naive I was! Looking back, here are nine things I really wish I had kept to myself during my first pregnancy.
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I’m so tired.
Pregnant Me: I barely slept because I was up constantly to use the bathroom, then had to slog through my desk job all day, and could only squeeze in an hour-long nap when I got home.
New Mom Me: I think I’ve been awake for three days straight. I’ve consumed nothing but coffee, prepared 47 bottles, sung at least 600 lullabies, changed 1,500 diapers, cleaned up poop from me, the baby, and even the floor, tackled spit-up on me, the baby, and the cat, went grocery shopping, visited the doctor and pharmacy, returned to the store for forgotten items, and I still have laundry piling up. I swear I can smell colors! -
Why do moms take their kids out when they’re crying?
Pregnant Me: Just look at that poor mom dragging her upset kids through the store. Why not just go home? It’s not worth the hassle.
New Mom Me: I am in awe of your parenting skills! How do you manage to take three screaming children out for groceries, all while looking so composed? If you ever write a book on this, count me in as your first buyer. I need tips! -
I’m great at managing my time!
Pregnant Me: I’m a pro multitasker at work, so I’ll create a smooth schedule for my family.
New Mom Me: Wait, when did I last shower? -
I want to be a full-time stay-at-home mom!
Pregnant Me: I’ve been in the workforce since I was 14. It’s time to embrace the exciting new role of a stay-at-home mom, filled with educational activities, park trips, and weekly playdates.
New Mom Me: I miss adult conversations, coffee breaks, and lunch! I’m too brain-fogged for any educational activities. The zoo is too far, and it’s too hot for the park. Honestly, I just want to hang out with another adult and chat about anything other than diapers. -
Of course, I’ll sleep when the baby sleeps.
Pregnant Me: I need to rest to prepare for my busy little one. I’ll cuddle and nap when he sleeps.
New Mom Me: Why does he need to be glued to me all the time? As soon as he falls asleep, I’m inhaling leftover pizza while sitting on the toilet, trimming my nails, scrolling through social media, and folding laundry. -
I’ll get right back into shape!
Pregnant Me: No excuses! I’ll carve out time to exercise daily, especially since I’m already eating healthy.
New Mom Me: This is the fourth day in a row I’ve grabbed McDonald’s while driving around with my colicky baby. At home, he cries, and I can’t eat. In the car, he’s calm, and I can munch on fries. Win-win! -
I won’t impulsively chop off my hair.
Pregnant Me: I’ve seen so many moms cut their hair into that classic “new mom” style. A ponytail is enough for me!
New Mom Me: My head is a tangled mess, and I don’t have time to brush it. You know what? Just cut it all off! -
TV as a babysitter? Never!
Pregnant Me: There’s no way I’d let a baby sit in front of the screen. There’s always something fun to do!
New Mom Me: Here’s my list of valid reasons for TV time: I need to pee, make coffee, eat, prepare a bottle, search for my coffee again, and zone out for a moment. Oh, and maybe cry a bit too. -
I’ll never get out of these maternity clothes!
Pregnant Me: Maternity pants are the best ever! They fit perfectly, even after a big meal. No buttons or zippers to deal with!
New Mom Me: Okay, so that part is still true. My hips and deflated belly make it impossible to fit into regular jeans. However, my maternity pants still look fantastic and feel comfy! Maternity pants for life!
In the end, motherhood has its challenges, and let’s be real—there’s no handbook for this journey. If you’re navigating pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource for more tips and support.