When I was a teen, my wardrobe choices weren’t about having my own unique style or being fashion-savvy. Nope, I simply wanted to fly under the radar. I had this instinctual belief that blending in was the secret to social acceptance. While I craved attention for my involvement in drama and music clubs, the last thing I wanted was to stand out for my clothes. If I looked like every other girl in school? That was a win in my book.
Interestingly, it seems I might have been onto something with my desire to fit in. A recent study published in Psychological Science suggests that teens who align with their peer groups may actually enjoy better health in adulthood, as highlighted by researcher Alex Morris at Pacific Standard.
The University of Virginia team conducted yearly interviews with kids from ages 13 to 17, asking them about their best same-sex friends (who weren’t always the same each year). The friends were also interviewed to discuss the quality of their relationship and how much the subject conformed to peer norms. Years later, when these individuals were 25, 26, and 27, they were asked about their physical and emotional health.
The findings were intriguing: adults who had strong friendships in their teenage years and who conformed to social norms reported feeling healthier. It seems that adolescents may naturally gravitate toward conformity, sensing that it supports their well-being. We all know that teens are particularly focused on their friendships—this isn’t exactly news to anyone who’s ever been a teenager or raised one! Morris points out, “The strong emphasis on peer relationships during adolescence likely stems from an instinctual awareness that these connections contribute to overall health.”
Honestly, I’ve often felt a bit lame for not trying to stand out more during my middle and high school years. I blended in with my group of drama enthusiasts, which, let’s be honest, had its own subculture and social norms. The UVA study’s results also resonate with another finding: those 1980s heavy-metal fans who conformed to their subculture ended up as happy, productive members of society. They found camaraderie and support in their metalhead identities.
So, fitting in does have its perks. While I’d love to encourage my sons to be their own quirky selves and not care what others think, the reality is, we’re social creatures. Even as adults, we follow social norms. I mean, no one is showing up at a black-tie wedding in jeans—individuality be darned!
For both teens and adults, the real danger lies in social isolation. Morris notes, “[A]dolescence is a time for discovering your unique gifts and interests. However, this research indicates that parents who push too hard in that direction might inadvertently set their kids up for future health challenges.”
So, if my son decides he wants to wear the same trendy clothes as his classmates this year, or if he leans toward fitting in (as long as he doesn’t cross any major ethical lines!), I’m not going to sweat it. It’s essential for him to build solid friendships within his peer group. I’m all for supporting that, even if it requires a trip to the mall.
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In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable for your teen to prefer following rather than leading. Fitting in can foster strong social connections, which are vital for overall well-being. So, let’s embrace those moments when our kids want to blend in with their peers!