Today marks my final morning of solitude. It’s the last time I’ll stand on one foot while brushing my teeth, all the while preventing my overly curious ten-month-old from turning the bathroom into a splash zone. It’s the last time I’ll juggle breakfast for my three-year-old while soothing my teething baby. After today, once I tuck them into bed, I won’t be left sitting on the edge of my bed, head in hands, overwhelmed by the little stresses that lead to tears of frustration. My husband is finally coming home.
Being married to someone in the military teaches you to navigate unexpected challenges—like a dropped call during an important conversation that spirals into a mix of frustration and worry. You learn to lean on family, friends, and neighbors to preserve your sanity during those long stretches apart.
This experience has undoubtedly been tough on our family, pulling us in different directions yet somehow making us stronger together.
Lesson 1: Embrace Help and Ditch Your Pride
When people offer assistance, don’t dismiss it. Your pride isn’t worth the toll it takes on your mental health. Be specific about what you need; if you don’t guide them, they might not know how to help.
Lesson 2: Let Go of Perfection
You’ll have to make compromises. Maybe your kids watch more TV than you’d like or enjoy a few too many takeout meals. That’s okay—sometimes you just need to do what it takes to get through.
Lesson 3: Recognize Each Other’s Struggles
Both of you are facing challenges, but they manifest in different ways. While I dealt with toddler tantrums and sleepless nights, I often felt envious of my husband’s uninterrupted sleep. But he was missing out too—he longed for those firsts: first words, first crawls, and first giggles.
Lesson 4: Vulnerability Is Part of the Journey
This experience leaves you both emotionally exposed. A single word can trigger a wave of sensitivity. Expect conflicts and challenges as you navigate this rollercoaster together.
Lesson 5: Prepare for Murphy’s Law
If something can go wrong, it likely will. From health scares to water leaks, expect a series of mishaps to keep you on your toes.
Lesson 6: Discover Your Strength
Perhaps the best advice I received was that this experience would reveal just how capable I am. I learned to be strong when I needed to be, and it was okay to be vulnerable when no one was watching. I got through it.
While I hope to never face this situation again, it’s a possibility. This message serves to remind those enduring separation that they are not alone in their struggles. For those who haven’t experienced it, a kind gesture or supportive word can go a long way.
So here’s to all the families taking it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. I wouldn’t wish this journey on anyone, but I’ve come to realize that my family is stronger for it.
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