By: Laura Johnson
Updated: Aug. 5, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 24, 2015
My kids go absolutely wild whenever a commercial for some bizarre toy flashes across the screen while they’re engrossed in their favorite show. They scream for me to come and witness this “incredible” contraption, and I reluctantly drop whatever I’m doing to join them in front of the TV. Just when I think I’m off the hook after a quick glance, they launch into a relentless debate over why I should buy it, begging like little Oliver Twists.
Thanks to our trusty television, I already face this daily chaos at home. But then one fateful day, they stumbled upon an entire section at Walmart dedicated to these absurd products. So now, when I’m merely trying to pick up a laundry basket and some chicken, I’m inundated with requests for items like SpongeBob Chia Pets. “As Seen on TV” is everywhere, and I can’t escape!
Here are a few of my “favorite” examples of As Seen on TV products and my reasons for steering clear of them.
Squishy Sand
This product claims it won’t stick to anything, including hands and surfaces, supposedly making it the perfect indoor toy! Yeah, right. I’ve dealt with the nightmare known as Moon Sand, which similarly promised mess-free fun. Spoiler alert: it gets everywhere and hardens like Play-Doh over time. I already have enough cleanup on my plate. Plus, knowing my kids, they’d probably try to see if it hurts when they put it in each other’s eyes. No thanks!
Juggle Bubbles
This bubble solution is advertised as a miracle product that creates bubbles you can bounce without popping—as long as you wear special gloves. So, I guess I need to buy a set for each child? Otherwise, they’ll just end up popping each other’s bubbles with their bare hands! And what happens if those bubbles hit something else? Do they explode? Smell like those terrible plastic bubbles from my childhood? I’m not risking my kids’ brain cells over this one.
Party in the Tub Light
Bath time in my house is already a chaotic scene; I definitely don’t need to dim the lights for this gadget! Wet floors and turned-off lights equal a recipe for disaster, and I’m not interested in transforming my kids’ bathroom into a rave. The infomercial suggests it’ll entice my preteens to get clean by throwing a “Party in the Shower.” What’s next, a dance party featuring Channing Tatum? Um, no… well, maybe for my husband.
Hamper Hoops
Oh, how clever! The makers of this product think a hamper shaped like a basketball hoop will motivate my kids to toss their dirty clothes inside. Spoiler: clothes will still end up everywhere, plus now the Hamper Hoops will become a hiding place for candy wrappers! And let’s be real, my little dunkers might try to hang on the Hamper, leading to broken items and a potential trip to urgent care. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Tummy Stuffers
These stuffed animals are designed to help kids clean by letting them stuff everything in their room into a plush toy. First off, they need to learn to put things where they belong, not in a toy! And honestly, I don’t want a pee-soaked Pull-Ups combined with toys and sippy cups. Who knows what else my boys would stuff in there? No way, José!
The marketers of these “As Seen on TV” products are like relentless salespeople, turning my kids into little negotiators I can’t escape from. It’s as if a high-pitched used car salesman followed me home, only to wake me up at dawn with more pitches. The masterminds behind these commercials know how to fuel parental frustration, leading to desperate purchases. If I ever reach my breaking point and order something from As Seen on TV, I just hope it’s useful—like a Channing Tatum dance lesson DVD and not a Tummy Stuffer.
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In summary, while “As Seen on TV” products promise fun and excitement, they often lead to more chaos than joy in my household. I’ll stick to the tried and true methods of parenting, thanks!