I find myself cringing as I admit this. “If someone is bothering you, just ask them nicely to stop.” Ugh, I can almost feel myself gagging. It’s hard to believe I’m telling my daughters to handle bullies with such politeness. It makes me question my own parenting skills.
Am I really shaping my girls to be timid? Let’s be honest—I’m raising them to be soft, just like me. I talk a big game about being a fearless mom, flaunting my so-called confidence like a high-fashion designer at a runway show. But honestly? It’s all a facade. When faced with actual confrontation, my courage evaporates. My tongue feels tied in knots of anxiety.
By promoting these weak “words of wisdom,” I’m teaching my daughters to be passive and restrained. I can just imagine how that will play out in real life—cue the dreamy harp music. Picture this: A kid keeps shoving my daughter down a slide. She’s scared of falling, so she turns to the bully and sweetly says, “Hey, I don’t like that. Could you please stop?” Sadly, the other kid won’t care, and my daughter could end up hurt. What a great lesson in weakness I’ve imparted!
I’ve been conditioned like many women to prioritize politeness over standing up for myself, even in uncomfortable situations. I’ve encountered discrimination and danger but often chose silence out of fear. Fear of conflict, fear of losing my job, fear of being labeled as “too emotional.” When someone treats me poorly, I retreat, losing my assertiveness.
Worse yet, I’m unintentionally raising my girls to be fearful and submissive, and I absolutely despise it. I want my daughters to be assertive, to stand up against any form of domestic violence or workplace discrimination. I want them to feel empowered and to speak out against harassment—loudly and eloquently—no matter the consequences.
I’ve allowed myself to be a victim of harassment in various forms throughout my life. I didn’t cause these encounters, but I did permit them. From a violent relationship in high school to an uncomfortable situation with a man I thought was friendly in college, I’ve often found myself paralyzed by fear. I should have called for help or stood up for myself, but instead, I chose to hide.
As an adult, the harassment only took on new forms. In the workplace, I’ve faced inappropriate comments about my appearance that should never have been made. I should have confronted those who treated me unfairly, but I didn’t. I stayed silent, fearing the repercussions.
Now, with social media, the harassment continues in a different guise. Writers are often subjected to harsh criticism that crosses the line into personal attacks. I’ve had derogatory comments thrown at me, often disguised as “feedback.” Why do I keep trying to be polite? It would be so easy to block those who cross the line, but fear holds me back.
It’s time for a change. I’m admitting my failures and committing to raising strong, assertive daughters. I need to replace my wimpy advice with strong, empowering statements. I want to teach my girls how to stand up for themselves and to know when to hit that “block” button in life. No more raising timid daughters—let’s build a legacy of resilience instead.
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In summary, it’s crucial to foster strength and assertiveness in our daughters rather than passivity. By doing so, we empower them to face challenges head-on and advocate for themselves in all areas of life.