If I had to compile a list of things I’d rather avoid, it would certainly feature kneeling on hard floors and engaging with toys that have likely spent their lifespan marinating in a mixture of germs and who knows what else.
Recently, my lovely daughter, with her sparkling eyes, asked me — during the sixteenth hour of my day — if I wanted to join her in a hairstyling game while she soaked in the tub.
Honestly? No, thank you. I’m not feeling up to it, kiddo! The mere idea of bending my stiff knees to the chilly bathroom floor and running my fingers through Mermaid Barbie’s undoubtedly germ-infested hair made me want to concoct a dozen excuses. Surely, there were towels to fold or dishes to wash, or maybe I could just give my eyeball a little poke with a hot poker. But sometimes, being the grown-up means putting on a smile even when you’re not in the mood.
I know I disappoint my kids regularly by kissing them in public and refusing to let them tattoo their faces before family events, but I don’t want to let them down all the time. I want them to remember me as more fun than I actually am, smarter than they think, and genuinely interested in their endless chatter about Minecraft mods or bracelet-braiding techniques — even if it’s borderline unhealthy for anyone!
It wasn’t until I dropped my kids off with my own mother that I realized how little patience she has with children — not in a mean way, but more in a “my filter has been on low since I turned 60” kind of way. When I was little, I had no clue she felt this way. I just remember her spending hours waiting for me to choose the perfect books at the library, expertly untangling any knot I created, and happily letting me assist her in baking desserts. She was the epitome of patience, standing by like a bird ready to flit off to the next task whenever I took too long.
Looking back, I can imagine that in her silence, she was probably envisioning a swift escape to do anything other than what we were doing. From driving me around to activities she found dull to making sure every birthday and holiday brought gifts from my favorite cartoon characters, my mom shaped a world filled with cherished memories that she pretended to enjoy just as much as I did.
And for that, I’m immensely grateful.
So that evening, when I looked at my daughter, who was eagerly clutching two long-haired mermaids amidst the bubbles I had made extra fluffy with my special technique, I smiled and set aside my impatience, disinterest, and exhaustion to say, “Of course I’d love to, sweetheart!”
That’s why, for the next half-hour, I ignored the ache in my knees while crafting mohawks, updos, and side ponytails by the tub. It’s why, the next morning, I taught myself how to French braid the messy red hair of an Ariel doll with a fading eye, so I’d be ready to say “Yes” again when she invites me to our special bath-time hairstyling game.
This article originally appeared on August 18, 2015.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenthood often means stepping outside of our comfort zones, even when we’d rather not. Embracing moments with our children, like playing hairstyling games, allows us to create cherished memories, despite our own fatigue or impatience. This reflection on family dynamics highlights the delicate balance between adult responsibilities and nurturing our children’s joys, ultimately shaping their memories of us.