Updated: Aug. 31, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 18, 2015
As new parents, we often find ourselves wishing for a little more: sleep, uninterrupted showers, meals enjoyed with two hands, and oh yes, did I mention sleep? As a new mom myself, I’ve come to realize that one thing many new parents (especially moms) don’t need is more cliché advice. You know the ones I’m talking about:
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Really? If I do that, who will keep track of my Instagram likes from that post about my exhaustion? Priorities, people!
- “Sleep train/don’t sleep train/try this method/try that method.” Can we just skip the math and solve this problem with a glass of wine instead? Honestly, I’ll just focus on my baby’s sleep cues and then maybe attempt to sleep when they do.
- “Don’t stress about the laundry; your baby won’t be small forever.” Sure, but how many pairs of my dirty socks are you willing to wear?
While all advice may come from a good place, in this complex world of parenting, it often just serves the giver rather than the receiver. That includes the tips I’ll share with you now. I hope these are at least a bit more relevant (and humane) than your great-aunt Ethel’s advice on discipline.
Let’s acknowledge the irony of giving advice while critiquing it. So, consider the following not as rules to follow but as “permissions” you can grant yourself as a new mama.
1. Cut the Onesie Off
Picture this: your incredible newborn has just had a major diaper blowout. It’s a complete disaster, and you’re momentarily torn between pulling the onesie over her head (which could lead to a poop disaster on her face) or pulling it down (which might cover you in the mess).
Give yourself the green light to cut that onesie off. Did it cost $35? Lesson learned: don’t splurge on baby clothes; they’re just going to get messy. Was it your favorite outfit? Spoiler alert: it’s not anymore. Snip it off—scissors down, blades facing the feet, obviously!
2. Breastfeed Wherever, Whenever
If breastfeeding isn’t in your game plan, feel free to skip to #3. For those who are nursing, you may find yourself feeling awkward and exposed, especially when you’re nursing in public.
It’s okay to feel a bit sheepish; it’s a new experience! You might get unsolicited comments like “cover up” or “that’s inappropriate.” But guess what? When your baby is nursing, she might just turn and stare at the stranger, turning the awkwardness up a notch.
At one point, I boldly said, “I wish someone would say something to me!” But honestly, I was just hoping no one would, because nursing can be a clumsy affair. Despite how natural it feels, it’s normal to feel embarrassed. Just go for it; awkward moments are part of life. You survived middle school, right?
3. Doubt Means Don’t
I’m borrowing this gem from Oprah: if you’re in doubt, don’t go for it. We live in a world where information is just a Google search away, and honestly, it can be overwhelming.
Want to know the best way to care for yourself and your baby? Look no further than your gut instincts. If it’s too noisy and chaotic, turn it off. Don’t answer that call from your mom, don’t ask friends for advice, and please stop reading message boards (for the love of all that is good, stop!).
No single parenting philosophy fits every situation, and no child is exactly like yours. Surround yourself with a supportive community that boosts your confidence as a mother. Join Facebook groups that resonate with you, attend postpartum support gatherings, and create your own village. Parenting is tough, and you need that support, but if something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Doubt means don’t.
If you’re vibing with something different from your mom friends, embrace it. Trust yourself, mama, and don’t let unsolicited advice derail you—not even mine!
For more insights into navigating your parenting journey, check out this article on home insemination and this resource from NHS about pregnancy and IVF. Also, for those interested in the ins and outs of self-insemination, Make a Mom is an authority on the subject.
To summarize, new moms deserve to give themselves permission to navigate motherhood in their own way. Whether it’s cutting off a onesie, breastfeeding in public, or trusting your instincts, embrace the journey with confidence.