I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “Hey, everyone!” My 10-year-old, Emily, finally glances up from her tablet. “What’s up?”
“Please turn off your screens and look outside—the adventure starts now!”
With a dramatic eye roll, she powers down her iPad and pokes her older sister, Lucy, in the side while shaking her little sister, Mia. “Wake up, we’ve arrived!”
Mia whines, “But I’m not done watching Ariel!”
Lucy, the 12-year-old, sighs heavily and removes her headphones, giving me a look that suggests I just asked her to do the impossible.
“You can finish your show later,” I reply, attempting to sound cheerful despite my mounting frustration. “Right now, we need to bundle up and head out. It’s chilly!”
More complaints follow, and tears spill from little Mia, but I push through it. We’ve just landed at Mariposa Grove in Yosemite National Park, surrounded by towering ancient sequoias. It’s freezing, but there’s no way I’ll let them stay cooped up in the car while we’re surrounded by such stunning beauty. We are going to relish this experience together—just the five of us.
Balancing the needs of a 12-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 3-year-old feels like an impossible task. I understand why the older ones aren’t interested in the kiddie park anymore, while Mia is too young for activities like shopping, ice skating, or PG-rated films. To manage the chaos and avoid the inevitable whining, my partner and I often split up, taking one or two kids for errands while the other shuttles someone to a soccer game or birthday party. By Sunday evening, we find ourselves exhausted and disconnected, having missed valuable family time.
I daydream about the moment when everything will just click. Lucy will quickly sort out her hair, Emily will be okay with the zoo instead of Six Flags, and Mia won’t throw a fit because her snack got eaten by the dog. My partner won’t be glued to work emails, and I’ll stop fretting about whether everyone has their jackets. We’ll find ourselves in that blissful zone of togetherness where cherished family memories are created. I know it can’t happen all the time, but a little more frequently would be wonderful.
After a few chaotic minutes of finding hats and gloves, we finally exit the car. Two minutes in, Mia is in tears, refusing to walk, so my partner scoops her up. Meanwhile, I sprint after Lucy, who has decided to explore the “Do Not Enter” area. Emily, worried about her sister breaking the rules, runs off to find her, leaving me behind. We’re scattered along the icy trail, weaving in and out of the majestic sequoias, like pins on a world map.
Once again, I feel family time slipping away.
“Isn’t this incredible?” I call out, hoping my voice will bring everyone together. No one comes running. I lean against a wooden fence guarding the delicate roots of the tallest trees, closing my eyes and tilting my face toward the winter sun. I know each of my kids is at a unique stage in their lives—the wants and needs of a tween, a preteen, and a preschooler rarely align unless ice cream is involved. This lack of harmony frustrates me, prompting a nagging guilt that maybe I should be doing something differently. Yet, a more forgiving part of me reminds me to accept our current reality.
I open my eyes and wander off to find my partner and the girls. Turning around a cluster of trees, I spot Lucy and Emily leaning against the rugged, rust-colored bark of a massive sequoia. They’re sharing a half hug, giggling and squinting at each other. Their outside arms stretch as far as they can, comically attempting to wrap around the trunk. Sunlight sparkles off the patches of snow on the ground, illuminating their hair. They look like angels.
This moment isn’t exactly what I envisioned, but it’s definitely a moment. Perhaps family time doesn’t always need to include all five of us navigating our varied wants and needs. There is significance and connection in these smaller, spontaneous moments too.
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Summary
Creating meaningful family time can feel overwhelming, especially when navigating the diverse interests of children at different ages. Embracing spontaneous moments and accepting the beauty in smaller connections can lead to cherished memories, even when things don’t go as planned.
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