As parents prepare their kids for college, many will have important conversations with their daughters about sexual assault on campus and how to stay safe. As alarming stories about campus sexual violence continue to surface, it’s essential for parents to have these discussions with their teenage girls. However, David L. Bell, a physician specializing in adolescent health, reminds us that college is also a time of “unprecedented sexual vulnerability” for young men.
In a revealing piece for Pacific Standard, Bell highlights that male-on-male sexual assault is a documented issue in colleges across the nation. Surprisingly, female-on-male sexual assault doesn’t receive as much attention. The National Crime Victimization Survey from 2013 found that among 40,000 households surveyed about rape and sexual violence, 38 percent of reported incidents involved men. Moreover, women were responsible for 46 percent of sexual assaults on males.
The underreporting of sexual assaults against boys and men often stems from the cultural misconception that “real men” are always ready for sex. Bell notes that 3 to 4 percent of young men he encounters in his clinic report having their “first experience” before the age of 10. While this is shocking, many of these young men do not perceive their experiences as abusive. Bell also shares stories of boys aged 12 to college who have had to fend off unwanted sexual advances, including waking up to find a girl engaged in sexual acts with them.
Bell explains, “Such experiences can be particularly confusing for young men who have been conditioned to believe that ‘real men’ should always be eager for sex. Sexual encounters are often seen as a point of pride. Those who hesitate or decline may face shaming, often being labeled as ‘gay,’ which still carries negative connotations in many circles. These dynamics likely contribute to the significant underreporting of sexual assault among boys and young men.”
While awareness of sexual assault against women has increased, the same cannot be said for boys. Society tends to overlook the vulnerability of young men, assuming they are always interested in sex and capable of defending themselves due to their size and strength. As a mother of sons, I’ve always felt it was my duty to teach them about personal boundaries and consent, ensuring they know that no one is allowed to touch them inappropriately. However, as I think about their teenage years, my focus has mostly been on the dangers faced by the girls in their lives. Now, I realize I need to add more to my list of “talks,” including discussions about their sexual boundaries and how to resist, deflect, and, if necessary, report any assaults.
While Bell states that the issue may not be as widespread for boys as it is for girls, he emphasizes that further research is essential to understand the full scope of the problem. Educating young men about their rights and responsibilities concerning their own bodies and sexual experiences is crucial. The myth that “real men” are always eager for sex needs to be dismantled.
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In summary, it’s vital to have open conversations with young men about their own sexual boundaries and the realities of sexual assault. Breaking down harmful stereotypes about masculinity can lead to greater awareness and understanding of these issues.